Fleischmann's Yeast - A modest promposal.

Well, it's another dramatized comic strip of shame and chastity, courtesy of Fleischmann's yeast again. This time, the victim of teenage brutality is "Harry", who can't seem to get any 1936 play.

Fleischmann's is also there to help us translate the "crazy jargon" of the time by "putting" "Quotation marks" around "strange" "new" "words" like the word "dates". You see, a "date" indicates an appointment at which time an event is anticipated to occur. When one is "courting the birds", a common method of "getting it on" is to meet somewhere in the physical universe at a previously agreed-upon time and place, with a varying margin of possibility of "performing lewd acts" upon one another. This custom, by 1936, had been ascribed the slang term of "dating", in which the participants were said to "have a date", as opposed to the more archaic and time-consuming term "have a prearranged appointment with potential for awkward adolescent groping and mouthing of body parts".

Thanks for helping us understand this with your judicious application of quotation marks, Fleischmann's!

Anyway, does eating brewer's yeast cure acne? Probably not. It is mentioned on "WebMD" as having been used to treat acne, but many things have historically been used to treat all sorts of things, and simply noting this fact does not constitute a ringing endorsement. Here in The Future, the most common acne treatments involve benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, sulfur, or topically applied vitamin A. All of these treatments score over the older yeasty remedy in that they A) have modern science in their corner, and B) aren't administered orally. By all accounts, brewer's yeast apparently tastes like hell.

But, humans sure do love beer, and yeast is a byproduct of the beer manufacturing process. So, you can't blame them for trying to find something to do with the stuff.

Aah, The Thirties. It was a simpler time when you could skulk around the house in an ordinary shirt and tie, instead of getting all dressed up in your sweatpants and pit-stained undershirt, like us poor bastards here in The Future. If we chart the arrow of this trend, one could imagine a day when not only the passengers on most airlines will be gussied up in flip flops and track shorts, but also the pilot.

"Sis" has gotten ready for her "potential groping and mouthing event" by getting dressed up as Chic Young's "Blondie", presumably to have dinner with Dick Tracy and perhaps some light criminal sexual assault.

Big Brother seems to pull plenty of tail by simply living his reality as Liza Minelli. It's a big world out there, bro. A pot for every lid.

A billboard I drove past the other day reminded me it's prom season, and that boys are expected to make a major municipal production out of asking a girl to go to prom with him. Prom season is a practice run for spending insane amounts of money on a single evening's amusement, crippling rejection, and the ritual of marriage. That means you need some clip art to help you get in the saddle on prom night. We've got you covered, buckaroo! Right click these Graphic Gifts onto your hard disk for sure-fire prom groping, while simultaneously rejecting the unreasonable, acne-free standards of beauty imposed upon us by The Big Mean Media. If you think a zit-covered face can't be beautiful, you're a monster, and should be beaten with a mop handle. You're welcome!

But first, a serving suggestion, just to help you get the idea how persuasive your "promposal" could be, writ large...

Why would Jean go mouthing and groping with anyone else?

Click for big.

Click for big.


Jack_Dayton_72 said...

"...important glands develop." Love the vagueness of old ads.

Steve Miller said...

Did this shit work?

Post a Comment