Bufferin - Anatomy explained!

What do you take when you have a touch of the neuralgia? Really? me too! "Double-you tee eff is neuralgia?" This ad doesn't mention "neuralgia", but old timey medicine ads sometimes do. Anyway, what this ad does have is lots of great supposedly convincing pictures and charts to make you buy their shit.

Advertising is terrified of talking over your head. They think you'll get bored and go away before they've finished their pitch. But for some reason, advertisers have never lost a wink of sleep worrying that they're insulted your intelligence, and medicine ads are great for super dumbed-down graphs an illustrations that look like they were X-Actoed right out of a Young Earth Creationist science book.

Click for 1000 px.

The first illustration is there to remind you that pain hurts. This is what your head looks like when it's having some pain. You don't want this, do you?

Of course you do! It could make a great avatar for whatever chat service, Social Media or forum you use. At 1000 px square, nobody's web backend could make up an excuse to reject it. Why not right click mister grumpy head onto your heard drive? You could use him to punch up that email you're writing to explain why you suddenly need today off. You're welcome!

Illustration number two is here to remind you exactly how people don't drink. She's enjoying a nice, hearty glass of water... with her teeth! She must like her water chunky style! Water: the soup that eats like a meal!

Illustration number three is the obligatory informative chart. "My god, honey! Look at the size of the Bufferin bar! Get the keys! We need Bufferin immediately! No time to dress! Get in the car! Go! Go! Go! Before it's too late! For the love of god, move!

Illustration number four. A serving suggestion for how it may go when you make a doctor's appointment to ask him what pills are available.

And the crowning glory of the Bufferin ad, the anatomical cutaway of your body, with callouts explaining the intricacies of digestion and Bufferin superiority. You may recall this picture from your medical school texts.

Yep, everything's there. Pyloric valve, with hinge pin. Brain, with blinky lights and breaker switches. Spinal wires. Shoulder pipes. Coronary boiler. Intestinal waterslide. That's the lot! Notice that this lucky specimen has had aftermarket headers installed on his large intestine, which should be good for about ten additional horsepower. When this guy heads for the bathroom, listen for the nice, raspy exhaust note! That's the sound of reclaimed horsepower!

You could use this picture to train surgeons in Candy Land! And, with a little adjustment, you could use it for a lot more. I always find that words get in the way, don't you? Let's have the Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade remove those pesky anatomical facts, shall we?

Click for 1600 px.
There we go! Now this high performance cadaver is ready to advertise your upcoming summertime good-time pic-a-nic or Monday afternoon happy hour! The part where he's drinking shows that there will be drinking! You're welcome!

UPDATE!!!!one!one!exclamation. Alert reader John S. has further improved the anatomical cutaway with his increasingly formidable Photoshop kung-fu! How do you know when you're in the presence of a really good joke? You wish you'd thought of it yourself. That's how. Damn you, John S.! I look forward to meeting you on the field of battle again!

John's revised illustration shows the life cycle of your thoracic pachinko machine. He has woven it into the illustration so well, it looks like it was always there. Son of a bitch. I wish I'd thought of that.


Mat Black said...

After market headers...you kill me! I appreciate the consistent hilarity.

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