Sweden House Smorgasbord - Gone, but not digested.

Who's up for a Swedish buffet? Yes, please. Is it cage-free, free-range, non GMO, and vegan/veggie/lacto-ovo? Shut up. It's a Swedish Smorgasbord. Enjoy a plate of dust and twigs at home.

In countries where it gets Properly Cold, the food indicates to what degree the people who lived there were worried about making it through winter. You didn't spend a day re-thatching the roof of your a-frame, hoping the snow didn't fall through and cover your family, and then enjoy a light salad before curling into a ball under several animal skins in the hope that you'd wake up in the morning. Smorgasbord, baby! For, on the morrow, we ice fish.

Sweden House sounds terrific. Not so much because of the photos on the post card. They're yellowed and showcase the furniture and steam tables more than the food itself. About all you can make out clearly, in terms of food, is the huge Brontosaurus roast in the lower left. But that's enough. Where there's stainless chafing dishes, there's Viking food. Where there's doilies on funny stands, there's desserts of many kinds, also with many vees in the names.

So what's there now? Bleh.

At the former Elgin location of Sweden House, you can find a Great Clips and a Post Mart, and someone called Sally.



Okay, but what about the Fort Lauderdale Sweden House? It's now some kind of thing called "Olive Garden".


The post card doesn't give an address for the Naperville location, but the P.A.G. Research and Googling Brigade can find it, if it exists.

Aww, nertz. But wait! What's this? "Swedish Massage"? Hmm. Perhaps I need to personally lead an away team to investigate the disappearance of Sweden House at Heavenly Swedish Massage. First question: I'll ask something suggestive about their dumplings, huh huh huh.