Up Your Decor - 1975- The kids are all right?

Hey there, decorators! It's your muse Vorbia here, to help you get through those long winter months by redecroating your kids' rooms! Yes! That's right! I'm your muse! What do you mean "what do I mean?" Of course I'm your muse! Don't you dare say I'm not or I'll fucking tear your eyes out and eat them!

Ah hahahahahahahahaha! Only joking! Let's totally redecorate your children's growthspace, okay!

Your little Michael Yorkling will be so frikkin' nurtured in this truly butch bedroom loft, he won't know what nurtured him! The secret bedshelf hides under a folding panel so that he can deny the fact that he ever sleeps, because sleep is for the weak! Why sleep when you can be decorating?
Whoa! Who's got a hungry little brain? Little Yorkie has finished his homework and is about to enjoy a nice little bedtime snack: Marmite ketchup milk! And what's that stacked up there all in a stack? Questionably candid photos? Of course not! Those are his perfectly reasonable photos, now don't ever ask about them!

Little Michael's sporting the season's most happening hairstyle, parted at the ear, so it won't get messed up when he runs super fast sideways. That's smart, Mike! Who's a smart little Logan's Run fan? Everyone will be so jealous when you make your debut at Carousel in eighteen years!
Why, "dots" a very nice bedroom imaginarium your mom and dad built for you, isn't it! The ladder is for going up and the pole is for sliding down, to keep traffic in and out of bed flowing smoothly! Plus, the pole is great training for all sorts of jobs in the future! Firefighter, and...uuh... firefighter, for example! Dream big, little dot dwellers!

Let's celebrate the Nation's upcoming bicentennial with this orange and brown teenager's groove hole! Ooooooo! who's a super-serious student, learning all about various countries and how to purchase them! The balalaika says "where's the vodka", but the guitar says "...mixed with coke". So continental! Look at that typewriter! "Dear The Nineteenth Century, How are you? whatever you have is stupid, because you're not in nineteen seventy-five." Ha ha ha ha ha! Why, Oliver Twist would kill himself if he knew you had a bedroom like this! Tee hee!
So artsy! This print is from Marcel Wurzt's
fourteen-photograph cycle, "Hey baby".
What the shag is going on in here, huh? If you have to ask, shut up! This hyperhappy playnook features five-inch nap supershag carpet that you could just lose yourself in! We can perch on the daybed amongst
the beaming faces of our toys and just wait to see who wanders out of the shag!

.... And the window shade shows us the last known photographs of all
the people known to have lost themselves in the carpet! Maybe they'll
turn up some day? That's the spirit! And when they do, they'll definitely
be super-duper happy! How could they not be? Mom, brother, sister, and
the barber are probably all having a giddy jamboree down there in the
sunshine fiberjungle. Kinda makes you want to join them, huh? Well,
you better just re-emerge for my next decorating feature, you bastard!


Jason Wisnieski said...

In the dots room, it looks like red teddy has opened his third eye. Turn it around and see how you're stuffed inside, little guy

[lrf] said...

Wasn't "redecroating" part of the partitioning of Yugoslavia or am I thinking of something else?

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