3/17/11

Campbell's Frisky Sour - How can you have enneh poodding if you doon't drink yer meat?

Mouths are weird. Mine, for example, can tolerate water at a temperature slightly above what the skin on my hands can bear. I don't know why this is. Maybe it's because, every morning, I punish my intra-mounthular surfaces with tea that, only moments before, was threatening to melt its way through the mug. My hands have been subjected to no such conditioning.


My mouth will happily accommodate meat-flavored fluids like soup or gravy without complaint, so long as they are hot. Change the temperature of either of these fluids to, say, "nicely chilled", and the scene changes to that of my mouth spraying the food of meals gone by into the local plumbing while I try to mumble apologies to my mouth, inbetween torrents of post-consumer food.

So, my reaction to this ad for the Frisky Sour, from Campbell's Soup, brought my old friend Mr. Gorge to the top of my throat just to say hello. It's well that the recipe doesn't call for any alcohol, because in order to bring this swill near my mouth, I would have to have a few pints of something strong in my belly already, and maybe a little Toluene. Of course, in that state, I'd have a sip from a glass of ants, not that I'm a fan. Such is the grossness of The Frisky Sour to me.

A recent (in America, at least) episode of Top Gear had the lads trying to make a snow plow out of a combine harvester. James May mentioned his need to have a mug of "Bovril" because of the cold weather they were working in, plowing streets in Norway with their "Snowbine", as they called it. Bovril has been mentioned on Top Gear before, in connection with bystanders at European rally events, sipping the thick beefy drink while compact cars tumble through the air a few feet away.
Bovril is a British thing, although the context in which it's been mentioned on TG implies that it's more of a grandpa drink. Jeremy Clarkson made some kind of joke about "this isn't the fifties" or something. So, what's it? Why retype, when quoting Wikipedia is just as lazy?

"Bovril is the trademarked name of a thick, salty meat extract, developed in the 1870s by John Lawson Johnston and sold in a distinctive, bulbous jar. Bovril can be made into a drink by diluting with hot water, or less commonly with milk.[1] It can also be used as a flavouring for soupsstews orporridge, or spread on bread, especially toast, rather like Marmite."


Bluh. The impression I get is that Bovril is generally drunk hot. So why does the thought of it still make my glottis spasm shut? Well, I can't imagine drinking a hot glass of gravy. So, small doses maybe? Well, Beef soup is fine when sipped, less fine when swigged at room temperature. Jeez. So, meat drinks are okay with me only when they're hot and drunk slowly? Makes me sound like a pansy. So many rules. I have no excuse. But, my shame is enough to make me try a sip of Bovril, if offered. A frisky sour? Go stick your head in a pig.


NOTE: The Bovril poster up there is one of my favorite types of monstrous advertising: the animal dreaming of being ground up into a particular brand of food. Also see Charlie the Tuna and Dormeyer coffee pot. Zaphod Beeblebrox would insist that it's better than eating a cow that doesn't want to be eaten. Is it? I'm happier if A) the animal isn't sentient and B) never knew what was coming, rather than excitedly riding a train to meet his fate.


OTHER NOTE: Nice rendering on the glass in the Campbell's ad. Too bad it's a photograph. Note withdrawn!

15 comments:

Craig said...

I like how Bovril has the word "Bovine" in it.

You may enjoy our other products such as:

Equin-ade
Feline-Up
Ursintine
Caninum

Phil Are Go! said...

Hah! Thanks Craig.

The Harvey Volebanger
Mr. Squidd
Mountain Shrew
EleFanta
Rhinoce-Rum
Half Caff Giraffe
Sex on the Beached Whale

Sue said...

What year was that Campbell's ad from? Might explain a lot about a particular period of time. YUCK!

Phil Are Go! said...

Each P.A.G. post is lovingly labeled with the year of publication. The year of satirization can be easily determined by looking at the date of the post. This ad is from 1962, when men were men and cows were drunk by men.

-Vivyan Voorsten, Blogpostmaster General (see what I did there?)

Sue said...

I apologize for missing that detail. I will no longer be throwing my application into the P.A.G Fact Checking position. I will, however, send it over to the Dunce Department.

Phil Are Go! said...

Dear Miss Susmann,

Thanks you for your interest in the P.A.G. Dunce Department. Unfortunately, there are no open dunce positions at this time, owing to the recent transfer of the entire Research & Reading Stuff Department, the Waste Joke Disposal Brigade, and the Coffee Stir Stick Acquisition and Deployment Squad to the Dunce Department.

However, if you know anything about reading stuff or something else, we'd be happy to forward your application to HR in the interest of filling the soon-to-be vacant Employee Reallocation Officer's position or the Senior Editorial Oversight Quality Management Supervisor position.

We look forward to hearing (reading) your response.

[Mgmt.]

Sue said...

"I am so smart - S*M*R*T! I mean, S*M*A*R*T!"

Craig said...

When I'm parched, I always reach for the refreshing, beeftastic drink that contains 36 percent of the recommended daily intake of sodium.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's near my nap time, and I always like to enjoy a nice, steaming cup of chicken fat.

Slightly off topic: Do you guys remember going to hockey rinks with those coffee dispensing machines that also shot chicken broth out of the same nozzle?

Always seemed to me that there must be a good six inches of chicken broth left in the hose when the next guy pressed Hot Chocolate.

Phil Are Go! said...

Reminds me of this They Might Be Giants Song...

Needing a friend to talk you down
Is food that comes from a pipe
But when you hate the food
That comes from a pipe
You will turn to drugs
To help you sleep

Turning to drugs to help you sleep
Will only lead to sleep
And sleeping is a gateway drug
To being awake, being awake, being awake again

Craig said...

According to Wikipedia, Bovril's original name was "Johnson's Fluid Beef."

WAY better name.

Sue said...

Best band name EVER!

Craig said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, how about a big hand for Johnson's Fluid Beef!!

And now, for their first ever appearance in North America, Bovril and the Frisky Sours!!

Sue said...

I saw them play the Kobe Room once in college.

paige said...

Love the Top Gear reference, awesome show

Phil Are Go! said...

Hey! Thanks, first-time-commenter Paige! Hope to see you again in the comments section.

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