DRIVING IMPAIRMENT TYPE ONE: ALCOHOL!
Drinking and driving an auto-car rarely make a good combination. But how drunk is too drunk to drive? If you've just had three or four martinis, you may be Driving Impaired. However, remember that just one glass of kerosene could also make you an Impaired Driver. Here is everything you need to know in one convenient chart. Please clip out this "1955 drunkenness reference chart" and carry it with you in your car, so that you may always understand if you are too drunk to drive, or just drunk enough to drive very carefully. If your blood alcohol level is .15% or greater, you may be at risk for being an advertising executive. Please think before you advertise.
DRIVING IMPAIRMENT TYPE TWO: JAZZ!
There is a demon on the loose in our youth culture. Listening to subversive, crazy "jazz music" always leads to madness, death, and Driving Impairment. Insidious intoxicants like laudanum and absinthe are common in "jazz culture", and these lead invariably to Driving Impairment. The challenge lies in detecting jazz. Modern Science has given us miraculous new tools in jazz detection.
Other kinds of un-American music present a lesser threat to Safe Driving. Yodeling, or Indian war-whoops, for example, often require you to take a hand off the wheel, leading to Driving Impairment. Stay safe, kids. Listen only to Lawrence Welk or possibly Les Baxter while driving an auto-car.