Accident Investigation - A sexy tragedy.

Today, we learn once again that investigating accidents is not only a hilarious and super gnarly way to make a living, it is also a great way to meet chicks, or dames, depending on your era. This ad is from 1960, so I think we can say “chicks”.

 Check it out, man. That guy just ran over a hot babe, and sure he’s too freaked out to enjoy peeping at her gams, but YOU, as the accident investigator, aren’t worried about getting thrown into the slammer. So, you park your Valiant near the scene and take charge of the very hot, erotic accident action.

Thing number first, you need to get that mug back in his car. He’s only cramping your style. “Scram, Charley. You sit tight and maybe wet your pants or something. Back in your jalopey post haste, you get me? I got some investigation to look at.” you whip out your official accident investigation note pad, followed closely by your Universal Schools logo pen. Clickety click, and you’re ready to take some juicy notes.

“Mmmm. Victim: very female. Late twenties.

Lips: full. Pouty, slightly parted. Sensuous.

Sweater: Cashmere. Straining against the burgeoning cones of her ultra-modern brasierre.  Me likey! I plan to investigate their accident more fully later on.

Skirt: Thrown up delightfully high by the violence of the impact, or possibly a lucky breeze. If there were any more leg visible, I’d have an accident of my own!

Purse:  White, with strewn contents. Hey! Five bucks! Yoink!

Other notes: One giant magazine. Ah! She’s the brainy type! Careful though, she may have been bringing the giant magazine home to her giant husband, and by the looks of things he may be thirty or forty feet tall. I’d better do all my investigating before he shows up!

Conclusions: Judging by the position of the car, the nerd must have backed over the babe in question, knocking her giant magazine from her hands. Driving backwards in 1960 is considered an act of communism. He makes me sick, this backwards-driving, dame-flattening nerd. I have no choice but to punch him in the nuts and triple his premium, the commie bum.

Thank god I was here. Me! The red-blooded all-American accident claim investigator. Thank you, the Universal Schools!