Valentine's Day card spactactular! - One card! It's spectacular!

Well, the Phil Are GO! Secondary Market and Garage Sale Assault Squad dropped this little gem on my desk back in December, after performing a tactical Interesting-And-Not-Too-Expensive-Christmas-Card sweep of the western suburbs. I had to sit on it until now, which wasn't easy. I decided to post it today (the 13th) instead of tomorrow (the 14th) to give our readers a chance to perhaps grab it and do something wonderfully inappropriate with it in time for the actual day. It's a Valentine's Day card from 1911, and it's adorable. See?

Aaah, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! Look how cute! He's checking out her underpants! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA And he might even be wondering about "teh butt sex". HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Kids are such rascals! So adorable! Such innocence!

Okay, I just noticed something. Apart from the overall misshapen "cute" physiology of the drawings, with their gigantic heads, this little girl is bending over in an impossible way. She's way off balance. Either she's wearing some of those turn-of-the-century "horse glue shoes" or the sidewalk is graded very steeply uphill (but then why don't the apples roll away?). Here, let me show you.

I traced her skeleton in magenta. See? Nobody can lean over like that, except maybe Dorf, who is a grown man buried up to his knees in a golf course.

This is an outrage. Can we expect no better from the troglodytes of 1911, who brought us the wonders of trench warfare and mustard gas? Well, maybe not. Anyway, I shouldn't let something as trivial as a careless bit of drawing distract me from the timeless wonder of childhood perversions. Wait! Maybe the little boy ISN'T thinking about her ladyparts? Maybe he's marveling at her obvious feat of gymnastics: picking up and apple by bending ninety degrees at the waist with her fifteen pound "precious moments style" head hanging well outside her center of gravity? We all need to agree that that must be the case.

There. Faith in humanity restored.

This is about as funny as Dorf gets.

Click for big.