Exercycle - Youthful energy for the elderly.

It's all right, citizens. Please return to your homes. There is now a safe and effective method to achieve youthful levels of energy, even if you're really old and decrepit. You know... older than thirty-five.

Yes, contrary to conventional wisdom, you no longer need to go off into the woods and shoot yourself on your 35th birthday, thanks to the miracle nowhere-go-round invention of the Exercycle. The electric motor does all the work. Abandon all your old-fashioned ideas that you must put forth muscular effort to perform vital exercise. You probably believe that crazy garbage because you're thirty five, don't you? Don't be a stupid old jerk. Buy an Exercycle or you'll be dead before you turn thirty-six. See your Exercycle dealer for the special handlebar-mounted ash tray accessory.

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