Neighbors and Helpers - Turkeys

Today we bring you a pair of bone-chilling tales of adventure and peril, wherein we learn that, when you're afraid of something, the best strategy is to provoke it until it tries to kill you, thereby verifying your initial assumption and sparing you the psychological trauma of possibly being wrong. These macabre stories come to us from the ancient pages of Neighbors and Helpers, the 1939 schoolbook that has taught us so much about the world that brought us World War II.

And now the part where we find out that Billy is a piece of shit...


Mat Black said...

Grandfather Brown's genetically-engineered Uberturkeys had almost become the terror weapon the Nazis (in concert with German-American Bund) had been hoping for. But alas, "Operation Blutfest" would not take place that or any Thanksgiving because of the intolerant Billy and his incessant taunting of the "King of all Turkeys". Without Billy's turkey prejudice, it would have never been discovered that these turkeys could actually comprehend human speech and then attack those with non-Germanic sympathies. Billy's inadvertent meddling led to an improbable, yet lethal, chain of events which ultimately caused the discovery and downfall of the German cell which had so depended on the Uberturkeys as the lynch pin to their domestic terror plot. Grandfather Brown (true name Braunenschwanz) was quickly arrested by OSS agents and was sent to a prisoner of war camp near Phoenix where he died of a ruptured appendix (some say a broken heart) shortly before the end of the war.
~auf wiedersehen

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Wowzers, Mat. That's a story you can sink your teeth into. I look forward to seeing the first draft of your manuscript! I assume it will be first published here in our comments section? Got anyone in mind for the lead role? Please keep them coming!


Mat Black said...

Crispin Glover would be my first choice for Grandpa Brown.

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