Webcor Tape Recorder - Stalking your children.

What parent doesn't love secretly recording their children's prayers, which she believes are privately held conversations with the almighty? A bad one, that's what one! Webcor is here to help you stop being a bad parent.

As anyone can tell you, your child is a dirty little sociopath that will lie constantly... if they know you are listening. That's why Webcor urges you to buy a tape recorder and surreptitiously record their secret, private petitions to their god, so you can treasure their adorable wishes for a lifetime. You can look forward to treasuring such private wishes as...

"Dear baby Jesus - not hairy, grown-up Jesus - Please give my mommy and daddy a hobby, so they will stop recording my every burp and mumble, to be obsessed over again and again."

"God bless Webcor, for charging the future equivalent of over $1,700 for their tape recorder, so mommy and daddy can only afford one of them. Otherwise, mom and dad would have ten of those things hidden all over the house and I'd never get a moment's peace."

"Thank you, Flying Spaghetti Monster, for touching me with your Noodly Appendage and granting me wisdom to know fiction from reality."

"Please, Easter Bunny, let my parents get some kind of terminal tape poisoning, and let me ironically record their death rattle on their creepy tape recorder, so that I can listen to the sound of their life escaping their bodies again and again and again and again and again."

"Thank you, Great Pumpkin, for making my parents obsessively record my every word, so that I will have no shortage of evidence in my inevitable emancipation hearings."

"Pa pa pa oom, mow mow. Pa pa pa oom mow mah mow. Bah bah bah bird bird bird. Well, the bird is The Word. The bird is the word. Everybody's heard, about the bird. Everybody knows about the bird. Pa pa pa um mow mow. Mow mow mow mow. Now and forever, Amen."


MrsBug said...

Dear Lord Baby Jesus...

Post a Comment