Mr. Orange. - "This is also orange."

Well, meet Mr. Orange. He doesn't have a messy belly wound, but even if he did, we may be hard pressed to notice. It would just be an area of slightly richer orange on his shirt. Guess who likes orange! Mister Orange! That's who! "How is such orange possible?" you demand indignantly. Not just through the magic of polyester. Also cotton, stupid!

You know how you're always walking around saying "Cotton is nice and all, but it certainly can't be woven in different ways, and it certainly can't be dyed a variety of colors!" Well, The cotton Producers Institute is here to set you straight, with the help of Mr. Orange.

Of course, you've got to understand where the CPI is coming from. This was 1969. Polyester was the new miracle fiber setting the world on fire... and melting it into a puddle of acrid-smelling plastic. There were ads for wonderful, glorious polyester, marketed under different names, depending on which company was trying to make you think they invented the stuff. For those who find this hard to believe, or just millennials who think the universe began in 1990,  links to our own hard-hitting polyester exposees from the past are here, here and here.

So, understandably, the Cotton Procurement Instigators felt a little threatened by the advance of this near-perfect fabric of Polyester. "What", they surely wondered "will become of us once everyone in the world wears nothing but polyester? It never wears out, never wrinkles, never retains body odor, and absolutely does not form gross fuzz balls when rubbed against itself! It's the perfect fabric!" So, the Cotton Pickin' Insiders called upon their marketing people to remind humans that cotton could also be used to make garish, unsubtle clothing, perfect for toddlers, such as The Seventies would demand.

For another ad in this informative, industry-preserving series, don't miss the Flowerpants advert here.

So, enter Mr. Orange, or rather, Mr. Orange enters. "See my orange hair?" He seems to say. "My shirt is also of an orange color." Yes, we see your shirt, Mr. O. We can see it from way over here. "You may have noticed that my eyebrows are additionally orange." Yep. They sure are.

He hastens to point out "Something else is also oran-" YES, THANKS. We guessed as much. Thanks for spelling it out, Mr. Orange. You're the real orange deal, for sure.

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