Fight Drowsiness When Driving

Animal on the Street - Taco Bell / Forever 21 clothing line.

https://www.tacobell.com/news/taco-bell-and-forever-21

NuAce mounting corners - Clip arts.

How do you market those little adhesive paper corner things that (sort of) hold the pictures in your photo albums (until they completely don't)? You show the customer a few serving suggestions how they might enjoy their photos so they go "Oh yeah! I do like looking at photos." And, don't forget to come up with a pointless mascot made of your product, for some reason!

Meet Sir Cornerlot. He has a sword, and is gallant, or whatever.

There's lots of useful clip art to be salvaged form this ad. Let's get on that, post haste. We'll just blank out the text and make these people slightly more re-purposeable, shall we? We shall.

See? Aren't they nice? What in the world could they be looking at? Oh, the usual...

You're welcome!!!!!

Mavest - Oh, no, nipple guy.

Hi, everyone. Ready for a nice, easy shoot today? The client from Mavest had a mixup with the schedule, so they can't be here. So, yeah, it looks like this shoot will be nice and simple. Hey, we may even be done by lunch! Okay! Let's hit it.

What's that? Wait, wait. Over here, Terry, I can't hear you.

Okay, what's the problem with the model? The flu? Sonofabitch. I knew it would be something. What about a replacement? You did? Oh, Terry, I could kiss you! You're a marvel! Who'd you get?

Grant Wakeforth? That name sounds familiar. Grant Wakeforth, Grant Wakeforth. *Gasp* Wait! You got the nipple guy? Terry! Whyyyy??? Well of course he was available! He's the guy who ruins every shoot by fiddling with his nipple! Mo-ther-fucker. Shit. You know his real name's Gibby, don't you? Jeez, what a wanker. Wups! He's here. Okay, here we go. Let's just get through this.

Hi Grant! Thank you sooooo much for coming in on such short notice! We're all really excited to be working with you! This is Terry. Let her know if you need anything. The wardrobe rack is over there. One of those jackets should fit you. You're a 42 long, right? Great. We've got one of those.

Okay, Grant, looking good. The jacket really suits your sideburns. No, don't you DARE shave them off, ha ha! This jacket is kind of a works-for-any-occasion type of thing, so we want you to look like you're free and relaxed, and ready for any fun event that life throws at you, because that's what Mavest is offering men. Confidence. The confidence to look good anywhere. Sound good? Aaaaand go!

Yeah, that looks, um, good, Grant. Umm... yeah... just a little less... well... Please don't..... uuh.... Okay, well, we've still got lots of film. Okay, let's change it up! You've got your knee up on a tree stump, and someone is telling you an interesting anecdote, and your Mavest jacket is right there with you, looking sharp.

Wait. Grant, just give us confidence with a little less of the.... uuh.... nope, that's not what we.... oh come on.

God dammit, Grant, Would you PLEASE stop caressing your nipple, you fucking weirdo???

Click for 1000 px avatar / profile picture.

Careful Car Care Made Care Free #6

Tru-Site - Dog. Fneh. Dog. Dog.

Werbert liked dog. Dog nice. Werbert get up very extra early to be with dog before school start.

Werbert hurry through eat breakfast. One boiled egg, and one toast. Hurry to see dog! Werbert hands flap as he run down hallway to get to dog, that hang on wall by front door. Werbert used to call front door "dront door", but not any more. Werbert get smarter now. Practice say "effs". Werbert think dog like him better now.

There was dog! Right where yesterday! Fneh! Werbert laugh in mouth to see dog! Big laugh in mouth! Dog dog dog! Werbert get up close to dog. Feel good see dog. Werbert press face on dog. Feel cool on face. Cool flat dog. Werbert stay by dog till time for go school. Maybe three hour? Werbert not sure. Mom say when time go school.

Nice dog. Feel nice be by dog. Fneh.

Internet 1.0 shirts - Obsolete online.

Are you old enough to remember when "logging on" to anything was a tingly thrill? Games were mate of text, and every online service was a walled garden because everything outside it was the hard vacuum of space. In case people can't tell you remember those exciting be-mulletted days, we've put together some obsolete tech t-shirts. How did we know there was a shortage of these shirts? Because we wanted them for ourselves and couldn't find any. Niche filled.

All are available in our Spreadshirt shop, with choice of shirt type and color. In the case of the Compuserve shirt, you can pick the print color as well. Such a time we live in!







Netscape shirt.
This shirt features the original 64x64 Netscape launcher icon. Even at seven-or-so inches wide, it's still 64x64 gigantic pixels, for your 1200 baud browsing pleasure. Warning: The shirt's print is low-resolution, and meant to be that way. Do not come whining to us if you're horrified by the pixels.

See? Pixels. The shirt's print is exactly this, but shirt-sized. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Zork shirt.
Theatre of the mind, man. We don't need to fancy pictures to have an advanture. Text is where it was at. Don't get eaten by a Grue. At least, not without your Zork shirt on.

No, Zork wasn't an online game. Far from it. But it is now! If you want to Zork it up in a web browser, here you go. Knock yourself out.

Compuserve shirt.
It was AOL for boring business people. Don't worry. AOL and Compuserve are both equally obsolete now, so no need to argue about it. Spreadshirt's terrible vector art uploader managed to interpret this file properly. That means you can get it printed in one of a bunch of colors on whatever shirt you like. Use your freedom of choice... your freedom of choice! Da na na na na na na nana nah.