Up Your Decor - Add eye-food!

Howdy-do, my hungry little lookers! Guess what? I've decided that you are all starving your eyeballs! They need color and pattern to grow big and strong! Yes they do! No, your house is NOT fine the way it is! SHUT THE HELL UP! Don't take away my joy or I will KILL YOU! Let's get started!

Starting with your kitchen, you need to realize that if you like your wallpaper, like really like your wall-
paper, you'd just wallpaper it right up onto your ceiling! See? Now don't you think you owe your wallpaper
an apology?

What time is it? Daytime? NO!!!!! It's time to cover those windows with decoration! These screens are
easily made from other screens, or even panels! Then, just fill them with stretched fabric in whatever
pattern drowns out the voices inside! There! Now you can't even hear them at all! Just the blissful racket
of your children playing, completely unaware of... things! Nice!

Have you found where your husband goes all weekend? Is it some kind of stupid workshop that is outside
your control? Yay! You found it! And he's a silly goose! You control everything! Now's your chance to teach that whatever he gets up to in that shop of his is just as pointless as a toddler playing with blocks. Paint the whole place in fun, bright colors! What's that? He won't like it? Awwww, what's wrong? Doesn't the widdle baby like his playpen? Then he can come back in the house and help you wallpaper the television like an adult!

Now that he's back in the house, you both should spruce things up in the rumpus room! Let's start with a fiberglass elephant-foot table... only because the goddam World Wildlife Fund won't let you buy a real
elephant foot on the open market! What do they know about decorating? Psst! Here's a pro tip! They'll never know if you just cover a real elephant foot in fiberglass, but you didn't read it here! Now just cruise the rummage sales for a plywood rooster, a tambourine, a wicker reindeer and some blacktop buckets made into stools! Paint it all in a pleasing red and fuscia motif and you're ready to pumpus that rumpus! I think that's enough for you to do until next time! See you soon, decorators!