The March of Science #5

The Inauguration.

Joke #1 - "The Presidente and Archbishop ask that you all refrain from clinking your knives against your wine glasses. They will not be tricked in this manner again."

Joke #2 - Archbishop Bogarin had the grace to keep his silence, being familiar with the indisputable truth of law #60-403-b, 'As it was smelt, so it must have been surely dealt.'

Joke #3 - The inauguration of Presidente Morinigo, before the historic revolutionary painting "The Clatterous Tipping of Yon Chair", by Smufecto Xrachorraxo.

Joke #4 - Their bored countenances were the product of years of simple professionalism. The gathered dignitaries were actually all very excited for the moment when they bring out "El Sombrero de Sorting."

Joke #5 - "Oh fine. Let's all watch whatever the Archbishop wants to watch... as usual!"

Joke #6 comes to us from frequent flier Mr. FancyHotGown_2. Thanks MFHG! - Ron was soooo tired of these big fancy formal gatherings. All the men dressed-up in their tuxes and military regalia,... and there he was again - in his best evening gown, and nobody even noticed !...

Red was not to be out-joked today. That's one sassy color, man! Joke #7 - Archbishop Bogarin glances anxiously at Presidente Moringio IV's buzzer finger during the judging of this week's episode of the reality show "La Voca de la Bella Bellowissima de la Farkledonia," as the producers anxiously await delivery of their hearing protection. Contestants who are buzzed are required to join the Archbishop's choir for 99 years.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]

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Spud Imperials - Spuds Hackenzie.

Soooo, it looks like there used to be a cigarette company called "Spud". Whatever oldness you have to be to know this, I guess I'm not it. That's nice.

Why would you name your company something as goofy as "Spud"? Well, if your a guy whose nickname is "Spud", like Lloyd "Spud" Hughes. Long story short, he was a man from Ohio who had the idea of adding minty flavoring to cigarettes to make the smoke seem cooler, or, if you're a "special needs" professional with a career in marketing, "Kool-er". I'll remind you now that your trademark will be more bulletproof if you make up a stupid spelling for an already existing word so that you can say you invented that retarded version of the word. Thus does marketing spread ignorance throughout the land. This is why so many people think "espresso" is spelled "expresso". It is also why the letter S has been all but supplanted with the letter Z in nearly all forms of printed advertising.

Anyhoo, yeah, menthol cigarettes. Since the smoke gives you the illusion of coolness, Spud then goes hog wild implying that their cigarettes are not necessarily "good" for your throat, but "less awful" for your throat. Notice that, in the copy, they're very very careful not to say that their cigarettes are helpful in any way. However, they very energetically imply the hell out of "they're helpful in every way".

"Spuds' exhilirating menthol seems to cut right through that cold-clogged tatse and bring you old-time smoking pleasure!".

"Seems" is subjective, and cannot be disproven.

"Voice husky? Smoke a pack of spuds! They're not a remedy. But many find them more agreeable, more pleasing, at times when they can't enjoy other cigarettes!" As good as "Severed femoral artery? Smoke a pack of Spuds! They won't help you save your leg, or deliver you to a hospital, but they won't make it any worse!" Also "Voice husky? Whack a hornets' nest with a pool cue! It's not a remedy, but it won't directly exacerbate your voice problem... until you start screaming from the stinging and the hornets fly down your throat... but that's not a direct effect, right? Try Spuds!"

This sentence describes second-hand anecdotes, which may or may not be completely made up, and also cannot be disproven. Also, "many" is subjective and basically has little meaning. The one smidgen of actual truth here is that "They're not a remedy."

"...does not produce irritating acrolein..."

This sentence only mentions one of the many irritants in cigarette smoke, and Axton-Fisher would like you to forget that.

"Enjoy the feeling of cool refreshment..."

Again, completely subjective, and meaningless.

But hey, this print ad is pretty innocuous, compared to this Spuds TV ad. This ad lets me enjoy the feeling of irritated bemusement when I can't enjoy other forms of advertising! Many find it more freaky, more condescending. Stare deep into his eye-holes and want a smoke.

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Sunkist - Lemon and Water: Rich in lemons and water!

The ad reads "For Health - AVOID HARSH LAXATIVES!" One excellent way to avoid harsh laxatives is to drink lemon water, believing it is a laxative.

Since when is lemon a laxative? Since never. Drinking hot water with lemon in it is still promoted by magical-thinking celebrity health idiots like Gwyneth Paltrow, who, it must be said, also believes that steam-cleaning her vagina makes her magically more healthy. Maybe she's got a terrible wine spill she's trying to clean out?

Doing a Google search looking for actual evidence about lemon water brings a lot of hits from sites with names like "natural organic nature" and "treehumper health network". Very suspect.

Lifehack's article doesn't cite any sources or evidence at all, relying only on our steadfast faith in the wisdom of its author, Krissy Brady, who admittedly is a fully qualified "women's health + lifestyle writer". Nope.

ABC News' article cites as it's only source Michele Promaulayko ,the editor in chief of Yahoo! Health, which routinely promotes non-evidence-based, unscientific hand-waving woo as fact. Nope.

This Telegraph article references an actual nutritionist, along side Gwyneth and other celebrity geniuses. Fiona Smith, nutritionist, points out that lemons have vitamins, but there's no scientific evidence that drinking lemon water is better for you than tap water first thing in the morning.

Livestrong insists that drinking lemon water as soon as you get up increases your water intake. So, lemon water does contain water. Well spotted. Other than that, the article mentions vitamins and citric acid, which are nutrients. Their article has some actual sciencey sources, which is nice.

What's WebMD say? Citric acid helps prevent kidney stones. Lemon water helps reduce symptoms of Meniere's disease, if you have that. Lemon water will treat scurvy, if you're a pirate. Lemon water decreases swelling, if you're swollen. Lastly, lemon water increases your urine, because, once again, drinking water is drinking something.

Nobody ever found that lemon water helps you have a dump. However, that doesn't mean that Gwyneth won't put it in her next lifestyle book with her picture on the cover. How brave of her. Rest assured, though, that her vagina is steaming mad at dirt.

But hey, you can't blame Sunkist for trying to sell fruit on false pretenses, can you? I dunno. A lie is a lie. Also, good clip art is good clip art. Who wants some good clip art? I promise you that looking at this jpeg is every bit an effective laxative as drinking lemon water. Maybe if we tell her it will cure pelvic rabies and other imaginary problems, we can get Gwyneth to stick this file up her hoo-ha?

Seagram's 5 Crown - Sabo-termites.

It's never too early to start using patriotic jingoism to sell your product. In 1943, World War II was yankin' and crankin', and there was already Hitler imagery used as a universal villain.

In this Seagram's ad, "toughness" needed a face. So, naturally, Hitler's was the go-to puss. The war wasn't even over yet, and Hitler's face was being used to sell whiskey. Weird. Imagine seeing a cartoon of Bin Laden's face in a beer ad. How soon would be too soon for that? 9/11 was almost exactly fourteen years ago, and not even Advertising is dumb enough to try that.

 So what's different now? Political correctness? Is everyone just afraid of being publicly shamed by the "taste police". The answer is probably pretty complicated, which means it would take someone smarter than me to put a finger on it. Discuss amongst yourselves.

So what's a "sabo-termite"? Encyclopedia.com says it' short for "sabotage". Makes sense. Okay, then why "termite"? Are termites a threat to gardens, or to whiskey production? The garden is probably meant to be a victory garden. I guess termites are a threat to sort of everything, from the point of view of a domesticated human. Hitler was a threat to everything. It's still a bit of a jumble of metaphors. Gardens don't have much to do with making whiskey. Maybe the wall of metaphor wouldn't have been as impenetrable if the ad weren't seventy-two years removed from context?

Imagine some brain in a jar trying to make sense of an ad for Outpost.com in the year 2087.

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Lucky Strike. So Round, so firm, so fully packed. - Smoking with Woody.

Time for some cartoon lore, citizens! If you're of the right age, you are too young to have seen lucky strike ads like this one first hand, and don't know the reference when it popped up in cartoons from The Forties, which were a part of this balanced breakfast every day of your life until the age of twenty.

First, the old ad.

"So round, so firm, so fully packed." Hey, if the American Tobacco Company can disregard proper use of capitalization, I can disregard their disregard of proper use of capitalization. Besides, those dickwads probably fragged my dad about ten years prematurely, so screw their capitalization.

Until I became a big grownup with a weird obsession with commercial materials from before my time, I only knew that phrase from a couple of Woody Woodpecker cartoons where his voice becomes French and he tries to make it with an incompatible animal species. Observe this clip from Solid Ivory, in which Woody wants an egg, and will sleep with a chicken (apparently) to get one. Try to ignore the bizarre blurring and vignetting applied by the poster to throw Google's automatic copyright violation detection bots off the scent. It all but ruins the point of even looking at this. But here's the line.

FaceTube's embed function doesn't allow time code indexing, so here's a link to the video at just the right spot... until Google catches on and the cartoon is pulled, anyway.

https://youtu.be/df4dMhyCMP0?t=5m23s

It's the Woody Woodpecker cartoon "Solid Ivory". The line occurs at 5:23.

"Oooh la laaa! Pardon, madame. Have we not met before in Pareee? No? Or, was it in ze Riviera, yes? You are so round, so firm, so fully packed! Come, mon cherie, and we will fly to ze Cazbah!"

So, mystery solved, like thirty years later. Walter Lantz was making a trendy reference to a successful cigarette commercial of the time. Bury that reference in the ground for a couple of decades, to be unearthed by Channel 32's Super Cartoon Sunrise for the entertainment of pre-teen Phil, and the reference lands with a thud on the ears of its young audience.

The thud of the reference was un-thudded about ten years ago when I started listening to old radio programs, occasionally peppered with live reads of the Lucky Strike promo mentioning the cigarettes' roundness, firmity, and fully-packeddom.

Also in the Lucly Strike live reads (examples of which were not easily found, sorry) was the recitation of the acronym "L.S.M.F.T.!!!" This was repeated a few times per spot in the odd near-shouting-voice of old time radio actors. If your slogan is a string of five letters and you want it to catch on, you'll need to repeat it - first, so that people can remember so cryptic a phrase - and second, so that they can be annoyed by your blatant hammering of the advertising anvil. This stands for "Lucky Strike means Fine Tobacco". Incidentally, learning something and believing it are two different things. Just ask my religion teacher, Sister Margaret Ann. Sister Margaret, if you're reading this, I respect your wielding of the +3 Yardstick of Jesus against nine year old children, but come at me now and I'll disarm you and then paddle your ass with your own weapon. "LSMFT, mothafuckah!"

Need a good laugh? Please enjoy some bizarre Lucky Strike commercials of the kind that would never see the light of day in this century.

First, a Lucky Strike commercial from the Jack Benny show. It's got a trio of guys singing a parody of "You Belong to Me" in rock solid three part harmony. "Take good care of yourself. Smoke a Lucky Strike." I swear I am not making this up. Here's another non-embedable indexed link.

https://youtu.be/h96cQtJExt8?t=1m44s

This one is only a minute long, and worth watching, because it's a bunch of stop-motion cigarettes having a square dance. Freaky-deaky, man. The money shot comes at 0:26 where the announcer shouts "Smoke 'em! Smoke 'em! Then you'll see! L.S., L.S./MFT!" American Tobacco was trying so hard to make you learn their weird rhythmic acronym they  stuck a foreslash in there to help you learn the specific phrasing. Thank you, advertising. You never disappoint.

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Milstone's Acme

Joke #1 - During World War II, all consumer good were in short supply - even giant hammers, explosive bird seed, and jet-propelled unicycles. As a result, rural America echoed with the constant "meep-meep" of road runner populations out of control. For the duration, patriotic citizens were rarely able to put a road runner on their dinner table. A resourceful few turned to pursuit of rabbits to feed their families, but many would-be hunters found they were not up to the task, as the creatures were often found to be "wascally".

Jim D. wasted no time in whipping out Joke #2 in record response time. Thanks Jim! - Hollywood Trivia: after a preview screening drew an entirely male audience (including one drag queen), Warner Brothers hastily changed the title of "Milstone's Acme" to "Casablanca" before its general release. The rest is cinema history!

Joke #3 Comes to us from occasional contributor, Jeremy. Thanks for the jokeball, Popeye! - Why wait in line when everything can be ordered with Tiny Parachute Delivery?

And also joke #4. A two-fisted joke maker, our Jeremy! - 1952, Toontown store opening. Foreground with back to camera: Judge Doom.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

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Pro-Phy-Lac-Tic toothbrush. Say-what?

You need a prophylactic toothbrush, apparently. You don't want your teeth to have little pig babies, do you? What's that you say? "I thought NOT brushing your teeth was a better form of birth control!" Good one.

There's a little irony to be found in a cartoon with a brand new baby and a product called "Pro-phy-lac-tic". But then, 1943 was a simpler time. You could use the word "prophylactic" without talking about boning. The word was only associated with prevention. But here in The Future, where we know about sex, it just means rubbers. And, it's the word that the nun who taught your health class (god help you) used instead of "condom". Having a nun teach kids about sex is like having a vegan teach you all about proper grilling techniques. "The best steak is a nice stalk of celery, children!" You'd better get a second opinion.

This ad makes quite a fuss about their "Prolon" bristles. That's DuPont's marketing name for Nylon. Everybody had Nylon, but when DuPont calls it "prolon", it gets magically better. Using our powers of Living in the Future, we can tell that this was a failure. Have you heard anybody say the word "Prolon" in the last twenty years? Up yours, marketing bullshit!

Before there was Nylon, there was pig hair, or "natural bristle". Say it with me. "Bleah". I'll take Nylon, thanks. At least that comes out of a nice clean robot. Wanna see? Here's a How It's Made video all about toothbrush construction. You won't believe how fast the bristlebot moves. Who needs toothbrushes that fast? People with a hot date, that's who.

Here's the soldier trumpeting for your attention from today's ad. Maybe he'll be useful for something some day.

Berkeley Blades - Not a Rube Goldberg machine.

We were going to post this Berkeley Blades ad for its clip art anyway, but it turns out the artist who did the illustration is famous!

The Forties were good for Sexy Dame cartoons. This one features an apparently horny sentient dog who doesn't pass judgment based solely on species. It could also be that the male and/or female dog not only identifies as a human, but also still prefers to have sex with other dogs, and simply likes to look at human legs while he and/or she does so, and will now require us all to refer to him an/or her as Mr. Theodore Abernathy, because that's his and/or her new reality. If you don't express breathless fascination with this little gentleman's Journey, you are an inhuman monster worse than a thousand Hitlers with a side order of Pol Pot.

There. Simple! Glad to have that out of the way.

What's this? Well, for one thing, it's an artist signature we can actually read. For another thing, once we use our Power of Reading, we see that it says "Rube Goldberg". Rube Goldberg! THE Rube Goldberg? Yep! before he started a pop culture meme by drawing comedically complicated machines, he was just another magazine cartoonist with a degree in engineering. It's a tale as old as time itself. Artist with engineering degree starts in obscurity, then draws goofy machines, then carves himself a place in history because of it.

Rather than recount his career by typing it all out, let's just post a link to Rube Goldberg dot com. It's a non-profit foundation promoting STEM education, so they're fighting the good fight. IF you click through the link, there's a short video of his biography with a cute British girl in it that's pretty funny, and some other Rube videos, too.

https://www.rubegoldberg.com/about/

Anyway, about that clip art. Here's that clip art. Set your Zippo to burn through a kite string pulling the pin on a seesaw dropping a baked potato onto you mouse's right-clicky button in three, two, one, LIGHTZIPPONOW! You're welcome.

Pabst Blue Ribbon - Missing pieces.

In 1943, men were overseas at war, and so women were taking over their former jobs back home - typically in factories and things. Pabst didn't want any ladies to forget to make time for the shopping for their beer. That's nice of them. Before Pabst was the preferred drink of ironic beardy hipsters on fixed gear bicycles, it was just a ho-hum beer with a reputation for being a little watery and feeble. Reviews seem to recommend it ice cold on a hot day, kind of like carbonated water that can eventually get you a little buzzed. That doesn't sound so bad. Apparently, in '43, it was a favorite of workin' Joes and Jos everywhere.

If you want to have people made of ribbons in your ad, prepare for a disturbing freak show. The only really recognizable part of a ribbon is the characteristic vee-cuts at the ends of the ribbons. So, off come the feet and hands, to make room for the weird ribbon limbs. The heads? Oh, those are still flesh and blood. So, what you get is, at best, people who look like they're wearing their daddy's pajamas, and at worst, a race of happy quadruple amputees. That ribbon lady is so dedicated to defeatinh Jerry that she still shows up to work, even after having all four limbs replaced with prosthetic ribbons. I certainly hope she wasn't drinking a crisp, refreshing Pabst on the job! They sure loved their rhyming advertising verse in them those days, didn't they? Here, let me help them move some product. You're welcome, PBR!

I'm working making tanks
and I don't wear a skirt, but paynts.

I'm allowed outside the home,

and I'm a lady! Who'd a-known?

For while I'm yankin' this handle,

nothing holds a candle

to Pabst, my favorite beverage

to forget my limbs' severage.

When you get to the bottom, there's the little promo for "Blue Ribbon Town", starring Groucho Marx. What'd that sound like? Like this. It was a variety show typical of the era. Nice safe jokes and sketches sprinkled with musical numbers. Stuff like this is good to listen to when you're trying to fall asleep. It drowns out the other stuff in your head without tugging at your attention too much.

But before you get to any of that, you have to get past the thing at the top of the page that makes you jump: the drawing of Joan Q. Everywoman, the "shopper of Blue Ribbon Town". Guess what's missing?

Correct! She has no eyelids! Uncle Sam needed them for the war effort. I don't know how she sleeps. I don't know how I'm going to sleep, either. Maybe by listening to some Blue Ribbon Town.

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Collecting for the war effort.

Joke #1 - Golly, what a huge pile of tin for the war effort! Tim and Gerb didn't know what "The Pill" was, but this lady must sure like it. They wouldn't need to come back to her house for another week. Oh! There was the postman coming up the walk again. She must get a lot of mail from her husband stationed in France. Always such a big smile on the postman!

Joke #2 - On the Origin of Species, books about the Inquisition, books of a satirical nature, copies of Farenheit 451, and Catcher in the Rye... Golly, this year's bonfire at the RNC was going to be the biggest, brightest ever!

Joke #3 - Gosh, this lady always had so many harmonicas to give away. That reminded the boys to wonder if the police were ever going to catch that Blues Musician Murderer.

Joke #4 - "Uncle Sam says thanks for all the surplus porn, lady!"

Mr. FancyMeritBadgePants_2 sent us joke #5. Thanks, MFMB_2! - Timmy & Bobby made so much cash "pimpin' out" Mrs. Wilson, they could surely buy their way into the "Man Scouts" now....

John Szczepansk figured out how the Allied Powers could have brought a swift end to World War II, if only Adam Sandler had been active at the time, in Joke #6. Sigh. If only. - Boy Scouts go door to door to collect Adam Sandler DVD's, which will be dropped by US aircraft over Germany. Though this hastens the end of the war, many will lament the human carnage and lasting suffering.

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]

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Barbasol - Like shooting decoys.

Telling people they'll never laid again. Is there any surer way to make a sale? This Barbasol ad thinks "nope!". It also has a nice martini girl and a weird saying.

This ad ran in the January 1943 issue of LIFE, which means it was on sale in December, because the magazine business is weird. I have never understood that.

Anyhoo, if you don't shave with Barbasol, no women will mash their face into yours. A strong motivation, as any red-blooded guy will tell you that face mashing is the gateway drug to other, even more delightful mashings. Ask your doctor if various mashings are right for you.

Barbasol makes shaving so easy, it's "like shooting decoys." Was that something people used to say? The P.A.G! Research and Googling Squad says that searching on that phrase just brings up a bunch of links about actual duck decoys. No mention of aphorisms implying easyness. Maybe Barbasol was trying to start a trend?

The other odd thing about the copy in this ad is that George feels the need to explain that he's George, even though the woman in the opening paragraph is addressing someone named George about his shaving. I think we would have figured out that George is George without it being spelled out for us. Give us some credit, advertising. We aren't all as dumb as you want us to be. The tiny girl in the martini glass never said "My name's Millie, and I'm tiny!", but one paragraph later, when George mentions taking Millie's advice, we know who she is. It's implied by context. Millie is George's seven inch tall love interest, and he hopes to impress her with the smoothness of his face, as sampled by mashing it against her wee little face, with the hopes of exploring parts beyond her face as potential mashing candidates. This now leads us to questions about relative scale regarding their various parts beyond. Poor George. He better not screw it up with Millie. How many seven inch women can there be?

Here's Millie as a handy clip art. Use her for a flyer or party invitation. Just don't tell everyone you're banging a seven inch tall woman. Let them assume your martinis are just four feet in diameter. Right click Millie in just the right spot and give her a home in your hard drive. With a girl like Millie, can there be any wrong click? You're welcome.

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Spuds - Finally, a cigarette that's good for you!......???

So apparently there was a brand of cigarettes called "spuds". Also, apparently, they were good for your cold, helped soothe a hoarse voice, cured your cough, and moistened your throat.

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Sure, it was 1943, and we should go easy on them because the scientific method hadn't been invented yet, and nobody knew cigarettes were bad for you, right? Of course not. Let's get started.

What advertisers want most is for you to glance at the ad for a few seconds, accept their message and not look at any small writing. And most of all, do not pay attention to what the copy is very carefully NOT saying... probably because there are laws expressly forbidding them from just lying to you. However, deceptive implications and suggestions are super great. Ads like this from The Past are less sophisticated in the way they try to deceive you, but this still goes on today. Let's identify some logical fallacies.

Good for your cold. "Thousands do this, therefore they must be right." This is a perfect bandwagon fallacy. It's the old "Twenty thousand mothers can't be wrong." argument. They sure can be wrong. Also, the careful use of "seems" eliminates any objectivity and falsifiability from the argument. You can't prove or disprove how something "seems".

"They're not a remedy". A fleeting shred of truth, but then back to the deceit. "But many find them more agreeable". Bandwagon again, along with some of the anecdotal fallacy. In the end they're just comparing the experience of smoking Spuds to other cigarettes. "Pleasing" is subjective. What the ad is not saying is that their cigarettes will heal a stressed throat, but they'd be happy if you got that impression. Assuming that you have to smoke something is a false dilemma fallacy. "You must either smoke spuds or 'ordinary' cigarettes. The other option is smoking nothing, which would be better that anything else.

"Does not produce...acrolein". This is a red herring argument. Absence of acrolein doesn't mean the other compounds present in the smoke aren't bad for you. Their proud acrolien-related announcement is intended to distract you from thinking about all the other myriad chemicals present in cigarette smoke. This statement about acrolein could still be true if the cigarettes created plutonium when burnt.

"Enjoy the feeling...". Subjective and not provable.

"If your throat is over-strained, you better smoke Spuds" (paraphrased). This is another false dilemma argument. better still to stop smoking. To suggest that only Spuds can give this feeling of cool refreshment (something subjective) avoids a lie. Saying "only we can give you this ambiguous thing" is safely meaningless.

It's likely that everyone who worked at the Axton-Fisher Tobacco Company is now dead. It's also likely that everyone who worked there at the time this ad was prouced smoked Spuds. If these two things were verifiable, we could then enjoy the most fun-to-say logical fallacy by assuming that all of the workers are dead because of smoking Spuds. This would be a "post hoc ergo proptor hoc" fallacy, or "after this, because of this". Some of the workers may have, in fact, been killed by the marketing department after announcing that their cigarette line would be called "Spuds".

Swan Soap - The baby with the soupwater.

You know how you're always shouting about "What we need around here is some good wash day clip art, godammit!"? Well, first, why all the casual swearing? Second, here's some wash day clip art, courtesy of this 1943 ad from Swan Soap, who were probably the perennial runner-up to Ivory.

"What the hell is 'wash day?'" you might ask, with continued casual swearing. People used to do all their laundry on the same day, back when it was labor-intensive enough to set aside a whole day to take care of it. Interesting, no? Nope. Just true, is all.

The Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade have clipped some of the art from this ad. So, now it's clip art. If you're from Victorian times, you can probably call it "clipping-art", as in...

"I'll wager that this jaunty missive could be further jauntied with the addition of some whimsical clipping-art. What say you? Fetch up that repository of jibes, japes, and picto-posts, Phil-Are-GO! on the computo-tronica! A witty fellow such a that is sure to have the very thing to make my communique' a real corker!"

Get your rude finger ready to right click these tiny and, as a result, poorly-color-aligned clipping -arts onto you hard drive in three, two, one... RIGHT CLICK NOW!

Woman washing her giant baby, tired after a long day at giant-baby-work.

A happy family enjoying quality time washing dishes, having a shower, and making child soup. all in the same room.

Woman performing skirt-inappropriate splits, holding soaps. Sexy!

Same, without soaps. She just likes being inappropriate. Sexier!

Woman angrily braiding her hair. "Pippy Longstockings? Is that what you like? Will this keep you at home, you bastard?!" Sexy...???