Brain examination.

Dear readers,


We have concocted a brief list of quips that the figures in the below-presented Illustration may be saying, or may even be said about them. We think you and your family will find our japes witty and hilarious!

In addition, Our dear readers are encouraged to concoct their own witticisms and jests, which will be added to the picto-post! What a splendidly witty bunch we are! 

[-Mgmt.]

Jape #1 - "Well, Madam, your Phrenological cranial protuberances haven't changed. Are you sure you're a Democrat?"

Jape #2 - Three bright students trying to tell which one of them she likes the best. That's the wrong way to tell, gentlemen! You've much to learn! Ho ho ho!

Jape #3 - Using "virtual reality" apparatus such as pictured, subjects can attain the sense that a mild electrical current is making their scalp tingle... on another world!

Jape #4 - "I'm getting a reading. It says 'stupid dorks'. Hmm. It must be malfunctioning."

Jape #5 - "Still no additional sexual arousal readings. Recite Kipling even more loudly!"

Jape #6 - "You won't go to the Fall Formal with me? How about if I press on your brain right here? How about now?"

Jape #7 - H.G. Wells assures his virginity for yet another semester.

Jape #8 - "We're still just picking up local stations. Can you try using a more conductive shampoo next time?"

Jape #9 - "Wait. I'm getting a reading. It's ...'duck off'?. Maybe 'buck off'? Turn up the high pass filter. No, not 'buck off'. Definitely 'something off', though..."

Jape #10 - "You still won't go to the Formal with me? Try turning up the beta wave amplifier, Doug. That's strange. This worked fine on the horse."

We have received an additional jape from a cheeky reader by the name of Mr. FancyJapingJodhpurs_2 Thank-you very much for the clever witticism, Mr. FJJ2, and good luck while you're off in The Wars! - "I don't know if the 'Follicu-colorator' is working correctly, Doug. Her hair should be bright orange by now - wait a minute, did you plug the wrong end into the wall??"

The Office.

Dear readers,

We have concocted a brief list of quips that the figures in the below-presented Illustration may be saying, or may be said about them. We think you and your family will find our japes witty and hilarious!

Jape #1 - Miss Spratt couldn't be sure, but she suspected Mr. Fishfingle had moved his chair ever so slightly closer to hers. Was this some of that "sexual harassment" she had read about? She would glance up at his chair again after lunch to check again.

Jape #2 - "Mis Spratt, do call Mr. Hogarth and ask him if he remembers leaving his brain on my desk this morning. It doesn't quite look like mine."

Jape #3 - The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. Mr. Fishfingle's heart pounded in his chest. "Miss Spratt," he stammered, "there have been... uuh... times, err, in the past, when I have, errrr.... pictured your ankles in my mind." There! He had said it! Now all he had to do was leap out of the window for shame.

Jape #4 - "'Dear Penthouse Letters. Once, of a summer's afternoon, I caught a glimpse of my neighbor's petticoats as they hung on the line, drying in the sun.' Good heavens, Miss Spratt! What filth is this that you have brought into my office? You Jezebel!"

Jape #5 - "Miss Spratt, I have decided it's too dull around here. After lunch, we will swap the pictures onto the opposite walls! Delightfully devilish, don't you think?"

Jape #6 - "Miss Spratt, take a note: 'Dear proprietors of the New Permissiveness Jazz Club which has moved into the ground floor of our very office building. Please cease at once your early practising of all musics during normal business hours. The infernal horn honking and toot-noodling has provided no end of unproductive distraction during these, our conventional hours of operation. After the hour of five-and-thirty of the evening, please feel free to commence rehearsing the Devil's music as loudly as you may choose, with the exception of the song Minnie The Moocher, which I find wholly unacceptible entertainment at any hour of the day, as would any reasonable personage of respectable upbringing. You improvident scoundrels. Yours, etc. Mr. James Fishfingle, proprietor Fishfingle, Vinderdint, & Fishfingle, attorneys at law.' There. Now please read that back to me, Miss Spratt."

Quite a treat, Dear readers! Our Jim D., who has quite a flair for narrative, has penned a quip for today's picto-post! Such a quip! Thanks, Jim! jape #7 - Fishfingle was frankly flummoxed. The HOURS he'd spent imagining Miss Spratt's reaction to the desktop hedgehog and the trophy he'd won for keeping it in his trousers longer than any other contestant in the Winnetka Hedgehog-Legging Competition! The CARE with which he'd devised and practiced his casual-sounding, yet utterly louche rejoinder to what he was SURE would be her obvious questions! But no, she kept that lovely little head steadfastly down, eyes on her work, nose to the grindstone, maddeningly all business, as usual! He could feel the leg wounds suppurating within the hot, confining legs of his wool trousers . . . Well, he decided, when she takes her lunch I'll move either the hedgehog or the trophy to her chair. Then she'll HAVE to react!

[Quips submitted by our Dear Readers shall be included in the Picto-Post.  -Mgmt.]

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Elephant tricks.

Dear readers,

We have concocted a brief list of quips that the figures in the below-presented Illustration may be saying, or may be said about them. We think you and your family will find our japes witty and hilarious!

Jape #1 - "Using only this elephant, I have bagged an elephant!"

Jape #2 - "O! Jumbo! That's no stool!"

Jape #3 - My word, good sir! Your elephant seems to have a deleterious case of "elephant ear"! Ho ho ho ho ho!

Jape #4 - Is that the elephant's tail, or has he had a bowel-movement on the other's head?

Jape #5 - But sir, that's not how elephants rut! It shall take a long time to make a baby elephant in such a manner!

Jape #6 - Said the prone elephant, "I think I can hear a distant rumbling."

Jape #7 - It's fortunate that circus animals aren't fed spicy foreign food, isn't it?

Jape #8 - It is a wonder that elephants don't destroy us all.

Jape #9 - My friend, I believe your circus needs more attractions!

Jape #10 - If you look closely, the gentleman in the drawing isn't holding down the elephant by mean strength. There's an elephant helping him.

Jape #11 - Sometimes, elephants wish they could forget.

Jape #11 was quipped by new frequent reader Mat Black, a bawdy jokester if there ever was one! - Despite numerous political connections, the Governor General was quietly replaced after reports of his Inter-species menage a trois began circulating in Parliament. "Old Peanut Bottom" lived out the remainder of his life in relative obscurity as a roust-about for the Ringling Brothers.

[Quips submitted by our Dear Readers shall be included in the Picto-Post.  -Mgmt.]

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