You're Lucky My Girlfriend's Here

Monstrosities of Science #4

Country Gentleman. March, 1930. Page 127. Girl's Life!

So, apparently, Country Gentleman magazine had a column called Girl's Life, waaaay back in 1930. This sends the eyebrows up, as it's surprisingly gratifying to hear of mainstream culture concerning itself with girls, or their having a life of any kind. I guess American society wasn't made up of backward troglodytes in 1930 after all.

Herein is reproduced for your amusement the entire March, 1930 Girl's Life page, which includes fashion news, a household tip, and another promotion for the "jazzy uke" girls could earn, just for selling nine years' worth of Country Gentleman magazine. Not kidding.

And while we're exploring good old page 127, please enjoy these impressive fashion illustrations. At the time, they were depictions of the latest trends, but whattya know? Sit on it for eighty-four years and the drawings become pretty nice period pieces. Funny how time works, isn't it? Here they are, all cleaned up and clip arty, for your doing whatever the heck you want with them. Who says we don't post stuff for the ladies? Click through them for the larger versions, as usual.

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It's a lazy- bangle-dangling afternoon in

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And what goes on here? The word "togs" used in 1930? News to me. I always thought it was kind of a 60's California thing, but apparently not. The word seems to have come from an obsolete term "togeman", which comes from an even older word "toga", which you may have heard before.

Also not to be missed, but possibly definitely to be missed, is the racist little "dinah doll" made from an ink bottle on the top shelf of the bookcase. We won't run an enlargement of that. You can find that for yourself, if that's what you're into. You're not welcome!

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Car Week, Day 3 - Kari-Keen. A real contribution to human service.

Good-morning, motorists! Have you a motor-car? Do you toil and fuss over the manner in which you transport your stowage, in addition to persons, in your motor-car? Behold the solution to all your problems! Kari-Keen is a real contribution to human service. Please find it at your motor-car dealer's in a splendid array of colors. Also full particulars.

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Hupmobile - Absolute rulership corrupts absolutely... of the road.

In 1930, Deco was The Shit, even way out in the hinterlands, where The Country Gentleman found a place on every desk, workbench, and haybail. This ad for Hupmobile (?) features a nice stylized deco illustration of the car instead of a painting or photo. Daring! You don't see this any more.

Hupmobile? Yep. I never heard of them either. If Wikipedia is to be believed, the company was based in Detroit, and was started by former Ford and Oldsmobile man, Robert Hupp. In a startling leap of creativity, he tacked "mobile" on the end of his name and put an end to several seconds of brainstorming.

The company didn't do well, once the depression started gathering steam, and was dead by 1940. So what did a Hupmobile look like in the flesh? My dad would argue otherwise, I imagine, but to me, it looks exactly like every other car of it's day. Not that that's a bad thing, but I just can't tell a Ford from a Chevy before 1960-something. Perspective.

This ad promises you Absolute rulership of the road. Wow! Brave words. And I didn't even know there was a power vacuum in The Road back then. I guess anyone riding in the back seat would automatically be given a cabinet-level position. Maybe it's because I've never had a hunger for power, but I don't want to rule the road. Everybody would blame me for traffic problems or, as  was likely the case in rural america at the time, the odd horse carcass blocking the way.

The Country Gentleman Girls' Club

Huzzah to all of our farming readers, you who surely regard yourselves as Country Gentlemen! Our Fair Publication serves you well as a touch-stone for all Farming Concerns and also Animal Husbandry, but what of your daughters? What may she find within Our Pages to bring delight to her Youthful years? Ahy, the Country Gentleman Girls' Club, of course! Hasten to join with all speed! Allow us to address your daughters, for a moment....

Girls, you can be the Proud Owner of a Lovely Frock or a Jazzy Banjo Uke, Possibly both! "How can I possibly own two things?" you ask? Never mind! Simply join today! "What do I need to do to earn Such Prizes?" Don't ask questions! Just join! You'll be ever so glad of the day you did, for you might own a Lovely Frock or a Jazzy Banjo Uke for playing The Devil's Music!

REO Speed Wagon - Keep on run-nin-ah.

This morning, the Agriculture and Rocking department head dropped this on my desk. It's a 1930 ad from Country Gentleman magazine for Reo Speed Wagon, which was... a car company?

Yep! Holy shit, Reo Speed Wagon was a car company! This I did not know. And, I also learned that Wheeling, Illinois, qualified as "countryside" in 1930. Not too surprising. I mean, I don't know exactly what Wheeling looks like, but if I were to go looking for countryside, I'd expect to drive farther than Wheeling. But then things change over time. Duh.

So yeah, Reo Speed Wagon. The company printed the name with initial caps, implying that the letters were meant to be pronounced like a word and not like an acronym. Maybe it's meant to be said "ree-oh" and not "arr-ee-oh". Also, they break Speedwagon into two words. I don't care. It's a super cool name for a band AND a car company. You can bet that "Speedwagon" is a thing of the past, in that no modern company would put "speed" anywhere in their name for fear of liability risks.

Anyway, time for a gratuitous video embed. I want to laugh at REO Speedwagon for being a lame Eighties band, but their music actually ages pretty well, and the songs are really catchy without being overly simplistic. Kevin Cronin does, however, do that thing I love to make fun of, but adding an extra vowel on the end of every line of lyrics-ah. Keep on runnin-ah. See you Monday-ah!

UPDATE: I've just been informed that the lyrics are "Keep on rollin-ah". Not "Keep on runnin-ah". Either one would make a fine commercial for the car manufacturer if they still existed-ah.

Steering the ship.

Joke #1 - "Fine. FINE! We'll go back for your goddam ChapStick. Are you HAPPY, YOUR MAJESTY?"

Joke #2 - " This isn't some cheap motel you can manhandle between the crests! There's only one way to steer a library. You've got to finesse it. Now, watch and learn, son."

Joke #3 - "You know, I really wish you'd told me you had to go before we left Madagascar."

Joke #4 - "This new carpet gets really slippery in the rain. You'd better go below decks and batten down the media room or something. I'm not losing another Colecovision over this storm. Archduke Ferdinand really wants to play Bump & Jump when we arrive in Austria, and I won't let him down again."

Joke #5 - "When you've been at this as long as I have, son, you can parallel park it without even checking the mizzen. Now, go down and get some of those really huge coins for the meter."

MisterFancyGorton'sPants_2 did not disappoint, with Joke #6. I am not commenting on his fish stick. "Whaddyamean there's still Poop on the Poop Deck!?! - Listen here 'Mister Fancy Gorton's Pants', you take you & your stupid bristly-moustache and CLEAN IT UP!!"

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

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Blue Drama at the Window, with Handkerchief.

Joke #1 - "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Sylvia. This is my handkerchief, but this NOT my sputum. Alert the staff that we have an unwelcome nose in the manor!"

Joke #2 - "Mary, I'm glad you're sitting down. I have alarming news about our son Thurman. Apparently he is a laudanum fancier. Also, he imbibes absinthe at inopportune moments. I just read about it on his The Facial Booke."

Joke #3 - "Sometimes I just carry a pocket square to go down to breakfast, because, you know, informality and all that. But some days, if I'm feeling especially luxurious, I'll carry a whole handkerchief! I know it's decadent, but I always say 'life's too short', don't you think, ladies? I said 'Don't you agree, ladies?'"

Joke #4 - "I got this handkerchief from my grandfather, who has it back in The Wars. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how I'll pass on the legacy. I can't imagine how many nose-blowings it's had blown into it by who knows how many noses. Must be thousands. Anyway, is lunch ready, Sylvia?

Joke #5 comes to us from Jim Dillon. How could I miss the obvious magic trick angle? Damn, you Jim. - "And now . . . HEY PRESTO!!!" [removes kerchief with flourish] Damn. Still blue."

Joke #6 comes to us from Jim again, with another cracking spot color joke I wish I'd thought of. Thanks, Jim! - "Definitely hers. I'd recognize that blue nail polish anywhere. Better get the ransom together. If you need me I'll be in that other room, where everything is green."

Joke #7 just slides under the door thanks to MonsieurLeFancyChaudBoules_Deux. - "You see dear, It doesn't matter how many times I wipe off these damn glasses. Your mother still looks like Napoleon in that hat..."

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.  -Mgmt.]

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