Microman - Prog rock icon.

So, when I was a kid, like a thousand years ago, Star Wars was, as they say, The Shit. Yes, of course I had those. Hugely upstaged by the Star Wars toys were a weird line of toys imported from Japan, called (in the U.S.) "Micronauts". They could not have been more different from the Star Wars toys. Star Wars was gritty and, uuh, "realistic".  Since nobody does crazy like Japan does it, Micronauts were surreal and very disco.

Image found at...
http://tokyotoybastard.blogspot.com/2016/06/for-love-of-microman.html

Everybody had chrome heads and bodies made of translucent colored plastic, but some had diecast metal parts. The design was all over the map. Also, while Star Wars figures only had four joints (shoulders and knees), Micronauts were articulated like G.I. Joe, with a central elastic band holding all their limbs on. Knees, elbows, wrists, ankles, and head all moved, and lots of the articulation points were ball joints. They were downright floppy. You could also take them apart and combine them in different ways.

The bad guys were always comparatively huge, and looked like they were built from other robots.

So, Micronauts were the trippy alternative to Star Wars. A few weeks ago, I trolled FaceTube to see if I imagined them, or if they actually existed. Turns out I wasn't crazy! Here's a commercial from the American market that launched the line.



But in their native Japan, Micronauts were called "Microman". And guess what? Their commercials were way, way better...



In the above clip, shortly after the guy shouts "STRONG BREAK!!! ROBOTO-MAN!!!!", the music starts. My eyes got all big. What the hell is this? It sounds like a Mini-Moog and a drummer who uses cocaine as non-dairy creamer. Fuck yeah. This is prog rock and no mistake. It's also the perfect weirdo music for a freaky line of space toys like Microman. At the end of each commercial in this clip, it ends with the logo and and a gravely-voice guy singing "Mee-koh-ru-MANNN!" Bad. Ass.

So what's the logo at the end of the commercial? I can't read Japanese, but it probably says Microman.

Image found at...
http://www.microforever.com/25threscuem25x.htm

Well, we do know that the Japanese use a special alphabet to allow them to phonetically spell out anything that otherwise won't work in their natively pictographic written language. Here's the Katakana chart they use to pronounce stuff like, for example, English phrases like "Microman", or "mee-kokh-ru-man".

Each syllable in Katakana consists of a consonant sound followed by a vowel sound (ko, ru, me, etc.) To pronounce a consonant without a vowel after it is generally not how their language works. There is, however, a syllable for the lone letter "N", fortunately. Realizing this, it explains why, when a Japanese person tries to pronounce "ice cream", it comes out as "ai-su-ku-re-mu". Any time an English word ends with a naked consonant, force of habit makes a Japanese speaker tack on a vowel. Listening to the different takes of the "Mi-koh-ru-man" singer, you can hear him trying to sing "man" pronouncing it a little different sometimes.

So, let's verify the that the Microman logo actually says "Microman", using the available Katakana syllables. The page I got the logo from (http://www.microforever.com/25threscuem25x.htm) names the graphic as "microman rescuelogo".

So, "Microman Rescue Team". It looks like, for the last word at the bottom "team", they switched back to standard Japanese Hiragana. Google translate was able to shed a little light on how that may work, but maybe there's someone out there who actually understands Japanese that can straighten it all out in the comments?

Anyway... the music. Early 70's prog rock. Love it. The first thing I thought of when I heard the music in that commercial was Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Compare the Microman music to Eruption, side 1, track 1 from ELP's 1971 album, Tarkus. I'm not calling it a ripoff, but rather, they're cool and fun in the same way. You can't go wrong with some analog synth.



And look at the Tarkus album cover. That's practically an action figure right there. Part armadillo, part tank. When I was a kid, I would have played with a toy like that for sure.

A friend of mine said the Microman music sounds like Gentle Giant, another prog band form the early 70s. Their song, Alucard, sounds kind of Micromaney...



As one commenter on the FaceTube Microman video says...

You're damn right he does.

So, after all this, maybe you've decided you're enough of a weirdo to want a Microman shirt? I sure am. So, we've made two. You can pick the shirt type and color, as always. And, don't forget to adjust the size and placement of the graphic if you want.

This one is the much-analyzed Microman rescue Team shirt. Nobody will know what the hell your shirt is. Cool.

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/microman+(micronaut)+rescue+team?q=I1015262946

This one is just a neat picture from the package of Death Mark, presumably an evil Microman enemy (or an Acroyear, in Microman parlance) whose part robot, part airplane, all weird. We vectorized him in Adobe Illustrator from these box images (see below), and yeah, that took frikkin' forever. Sheesh.


https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/microman+death+marck?q=I1015308511

Image found at...
http://www.microforever.com/deathmarck.htm

Couple new shirts - Quisp, WMET, X Ray Specs

We've just put three new shirts on our Spreadshirt shop! Unless you're at least a little bit old, they may not make any sense to you.

Quisp used to be is a cereal that is hard to find now. It first appeared in 1965, and it tasted a lot like Cap'n Crunch, but with a little more vanilla flavor, and a lighter crunch that was much less likely to reduce the roof of your mouth to curtains of torn flesh flapping in the breeze of your breath than Cap'n Crunch.  Man, Quisp was good. Plus, it had has a cool alien on the box. Here's a direct link to that shirt. Shirt type and color is up to you.

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012707061?q=I1012707061

WMET was a rock station in Chicago from 1979 to some time in the early eighties. Unlike WLUP or WCKG, they played a broad variety of rock. You could hear Led Zeppelin on any of those three stations, but WMET would play Rainbow, or The Tubes. They're gone now, and you can't get their promotional shirts anywhere except Ebay, in which case they are used promotional shirts. Great.
They used to look like this, and you can get one in our shop, if that's what you're into.

Because this shirt's graphic was simple enough for Spreadshirts vector interpolation to understand it, you can change up the color of the print to whatever you want, in addition to the shirt type and color.

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012977969?q=I1012977969

X-Ray specs. Everybody's seen the ad in the back of old comics and magazines, but only those gullible enough to send away for them felt the sting of disappointment upon realizing they were not x-ray, and barely even specs. Anyway, this is the iconic illustration that was used to decades to rip off trusting kids in search of superpowers. You can also change the print color on this one, in addition to the shirt type and color (of course).

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1013131687?q=I1013131687

At the moment, Spreadshirt is only displaying the men's version of this one for some reason. We'll update the link when we verify they're figured out how to run a website.

UPDATE: Since the design was uploaded minutes before this post went live, the page for that shirt is "too new" to display properly. We'll check back tomorrow.

Internet 1.0 shirts - Obsolete online.

Are you old enough to remember when "logging on" to anything was a tingly thrill? Games were mate of text, and every online service was a walled garden because everything outside it was the hard vacuum of space. In case people can't tell you remember those exciting be-mulletted days, we've put together some obsolete tech t-shirts. How did we know there was a shortage of these shirts? Because we wanted them for ourselves and couldn't find any. Niche filled.

All are available in our Spreadshirt shop, with choice of shirt type and color. In the case of the Compuserve shirt, you can pick the print color as well. Such a time we live in!







Netscape shirt.
This shirt features the original 64x64 Netscape launcher icon. Even at seven-or-so inches wide, it's still 64x64 gigantic pixels, for your 1200 baud browsing pleasure. Warning: The shirt's print is low-resolution, and meant to be that way. Do not come whining to us if you're horrified by the pixels.

See? Pixels. The shirt's print is exactly this, but shirt-sized. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Zork shirt.
Theatre of the mind, man. We don't need to fancy pictures to have an advanture. Text is where it was at. Don't get eaten by a Grue. At least, not without your Zork shirt on.

No, Zork wasn't an online game. Far from it. But it is now! If you want to Zork it up in a web browser, here you go. Knock yourself out.

Compuserve shirt.
It was AOL for boring business people. Don't worry. AOL and Compuserve are both equally obsolete now, so no need to argue about it. Spreadshirt's terrible vector art uploader managed to interpret this file properly. That means you can get it printed in one of a bunch of colors on whatever shirt you like. Use your freedom of choice... your freedom of choice! Da na na na na na na nana nah.

The Engine

Get the shirt? Get the shirt!

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012535896?q=I1012535896

Karate - Demolish anybody!

In 1974, Hot Rod magazine chose to offer to pretty much anyone with  a stamp the secrets of complete violence and personal demolition. A reckless decision, I think you'll agree.

Wow. We can't have this kind of power fall into the hands of just anybody, can we? I mean, what would the world be like if every man became aware of the destructive forces they already possess?

You hear that? "Demolish anybody"! What are you waiting for? You've got lots of demolishing to do!

And, then there's the national nightmare of guys scoring with any woman at will. What kind of dystopian hellscape were Hot Rod magazine and Universal Self Defense trying to create?

Click for 1600px PNG with alpha channel background.

If the dystopian hellscape on offer in this ad sounds like your kind of dystopian hellscape, there's good news! The Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade have whipped up a new T-shirt design from the art in today's ad. It's up at our Spreadshirt shop right now. Loads of  color options available, too. Just imagine all the cool fights you can have while wearing this shirt...

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012335010?q=I1012335010&noCache=true

That's right! He's doing the famous Dynamite Punch, right in your face! Yeah! Either nobody will mess with you, or everyone will mess with you. Don't you want to find out? And don't forget about the babes you'll score with. We can't promise you that, but we totally promise you that.

You're welcome!!!

Mamiya/Sekor - Shut yo mouth!

Awww, yeah. Mamiya/Sekor is one bad mutha- SHUT YO MOUTH! I'm just talking bout Mamiya/Sekor.

This 1970 ad for Mamiya/Sekor ran in a 1970 issue of Esquire magazine. Can you tell?

The camera had a button that let you switch from one metering mode to another. yeah, great. But check out Superfly/Shaft, there! No one understands him but his cameraaaaa. Damn right.

Know where this guy would look pretty cool? On a kind of pop art t-shirt! Guess what? He's now available on a kind of pop art t-shirt over in our Spreadshirt shop! Dig it! A bunch of color and shirt options. I think imuna have to order one for myself. The grey with red is pretty nice. No, I do not get any discount when I place an order.

The way Spreadshirt organizes the designs seems kind of random, but scroll and "load more" to see them all. Or just use these links.

White https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084795?q=I1012084795
Tan https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084747?q=I1012084747
Black https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084966?q=I1012084966
Gray https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012085037?q=I1012085037
Green https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084917?q=I1012084917
Orange https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084916?q=I1012084916
Blue https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084827?q=I1012084827
Dark Red https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012085019?q=I1012085019
Bright Red https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1012084928?q=I1012084928

Roto-Hoe - Getting dirty and shirty.

It's high summer, people, and the weeds are going coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. Isn't it nice to know that the troglodytes back in 1955 had the same problem? Not really. Kind of boring, really. Anyway, if you were slightly posh, you could have bought yourself a Roto-Hoe to tear the shit out of your weedy yard, to teach it a lesson. Stay tuned for a stupid shirt that no one will buy!

The happy Roto-Hoer in this ad has just handed over $134 in 1955 money for the privilege of ownership. What's that come out to in current FutureBucks? Just over $1200. Can you pay that much for a rototiller today? Sure you can, but it probably won't be made domestically, of course. And, it won't have a cool exposed drive belt, making easy for you to lose a finger. It's funny that "Many experimental models were tried from 1936 to 1947", but during all that woodshedding, nobody bothered to say "How about we put a cage around that belt, whirring around at toddler height?". That would have cost an extra two dollars, of course, and dollars don't grow on trees, the way fingers do.

Anyway, this dirty girl can be your own special Roto-Hoe with our stupid new shirt! The print can be had in pink, orange, or kind of a turquoise cyan color, on your choice of shirt color, something like this. Just imagine what your life could be like if you had one!

Yep, you'd have to really like yard work to wear a shirt like this. Or, just be sort of weird. If you're kinda weird, or a yardworkhorse, here's a link to the designs in our Spreadshirt shop. You're welcome, for some reason!

Link to the pink. https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011684626?q=I1011684626

Orange you glad you have this color option? https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011684517?q=I1011684517

Cyanne of greeny-blue gables would like this color.  https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011684567?q=I1011684567

White's Pit Stop - Rod & Custom, 1973

The staff here at GO! Tower have been having a great time flipping through a recent shipment of old magazines, including some very groovy hot rod magazines from The Early Seventies. This ad for White's Pit Stop features a terrific ink drawing that is very typical of the hot rod scene of that time.

At the time this ad ran, in April '73, White's was located in South Holland, Illinois. I wonder what's there now.

Hmm. Looks like White's was bought out by a shed and some recycling dumpsters. That's a bummer for the hot rod set. No, wait! According to the Ultranet, White's is still around. They just moved to Schererville, Indiana! They have a FaceTube page and everything! Pretty cool!

https://www.facebook.com/Whites-Pit-Stop-289234968963/

The drawing in this old ad is so nice, it'd be great if some hero would make a shirt out of that rodded-out truck, right? It would look the most authentically vintage in a single color, like an independent gearhead shop would have done back in 1973. Nothing too fancy. Can do!

Incidentally, if you're from White's Pit Stop and you're just finding this post, I hope you don't mind us using this ancient ad to give you some free advertising.

You can get the print in black or white on any shirt in any color you want. It may look best on a ringer shirt or something retro like that.

Black version:

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011586683?q=I1011586683

White version:

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011586715?q=I1011586715

Sample images:

1969 Cadillac Eldorado - Shorten, then add brevity.

Lotus is an English car company that has this design philosophy: "Simplify, then add lightness." This makes for cars that are very fun to drive. Cadillac has always been comfortable at the other end of that scale, with something like "Embiggen, then add largeness." The car in this 1969 ad was Cadillac's idea of a "coupe".

Two doors, and eighteen and a half feet long. Wowzers. Let's see if we can't show Cadillac what a coupe really means.

Yeeeaaahhh. With the help of Photoshop's reciprocating saw tool, we trimmed out maybe three feet of clunky, useless wheelbase, leaving the gigantic overhangs (body length that exists behind the rear wheels and in front of the front wheels) in place. Toss a few dictionaries in the trunk and this thing might actually manage to do a wheelie for you. No, wait, it couldn't. It's front wheel drive. Oh well. Maybe in reverse?

Anyway, please enjoy this Cadillac in normal and Cliff's Notes versions by right-clicking these PNGs onto your hard drive's multicar pileup. You're welcome!

And maybe, just maybe, you're weird enough to want to walk around with the stupid stubby version of this Cadillac on a shirt? Well, we got you covered, weirdo. We just added it to our Spreadshirt shop, for some reason. Guess what? You're still welcome! https://shop.spreadshirt.com/PhilAreGo/1011529390?q=I1011529390

Couple more vintage motorsport shirts.

Trolling through an old Car and Driver from 1965, we found some little ads for slightly obscure companies closely tied with the super-cool sixties racing scene. Why not have the Phil Are Go! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade whip up a few shirts? Why not, indeed.

Here's a link to the Halda shirt on our Spreadshirt shop. You can mess with the colors of the shirt and logo on this one. Usually, you can just change the shirt color, but this one uploaded in a better format, so you can change the colors of the blue and white logo all you want before you order.

Isky's logo has a cool grumpy parrot in it! Here's a link to this shirt in the Spreadshirt shop. 

Lastly, here's a Stewart-Warner shirt, if gauges are your thing... or possibly your dad's thing.

See you tomorrow!

Air India - Ooh la la!!! Show your continental!

It's summer holiday season, citizens! Get in the spirit of getting the eff out of here with this 1964 Air-India ad from Holiday magazine!

Air-India wants you to see the world with their help. Who? Air-India is an airline, duh. What's wrong? you've never heard of Air-India? Well, since airlines in the news are mostly known for being purveyors of misery and degradation, if nobody's heard of your air carrier, that's a definite feather in your cap.

And they still exist after all these years. Good for them!

So maybe you're planning a little vacation (as we here in The Colonies call it), and you're looking for a way to show everyone you meet how continental and stuff you are? What better way than with our newly designed Air-India T-shirt? (You can get it printed on whatever color shirt you want, of course.)

Link to Air India T-shirt in our Spreadshirt shop.

Oooh la la! Formidable!

BSA Gold Vase - Greatest Sports Model Ever

"Who?" I know what you mean. Apparently BSA made bicycles. If you're a Yank, you could be forgiven for never having heard of BSA, as they haven't had a presence in the U.S. market for a bunch of years, but they were a major player in England.

BSA stands for Birmingham Small Arms. They got their start way back in 1861, making guns. Unsurprisingly, a factory that made gun parts was pretty easily adaptable for making bicycle parts - you know, precision machining metal parts for long service life.

So, in 1880, BSA branched out into bicycle manufacture, with the Otto Dicycle, which looked like this....

Yikes. Perhaps BSA recognized that they could do better for themselves. Instead of building the kooky "Dicycle" for another company, they began making the more conventionally-designed "safety bicycle" under their own brand, later in the 1880s.

This led kind of naturally to building motorcycles under the Triumph brand, peaking in the 1950's and 60's. Later, when BSA got out of bicycles, selling off that part of their business to Raleigh.

Before they gave up on making bikes, BSA did make one of the best internally-geared hubs in history. Sturmey-Archer hubs were brilliant and nearly indestructible three-speed hubs that demanded nearly zero maintenance. They were on the best bikes back in The Fifties. You know Pee-Wee Herman's precious red bike? It probably had a Sturmey-Archer rear hub on it.

This ad proclaims the Gold Vase (the model pictured in the ad) as "The greatest sports model ever". Look at the size of that saddle bag. What did people carry around in 1950 when they were out "sporting"? You could put a loaf of bread in that bag... or a pair of shoes... or a pair of breadshoes.

Maybe you're feeling a little nostalgic for the BSA you had when you were a kid, and also English? Well, the Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade have harvested a couple of elements from today's ad and made up a shirt, which you can actually buy and actually wear, if that's what you're into. Maybe yellow's not your thing, or being a lady? Other colors and a bunch of different kinds of shirt are also up there, including man stuff. Here's the link.