Money talked.

Vault Periscope - An end to banditry!

Good news, money-havers! Thanks to the forces of Human Invention, bank robberies are now a thing of The Past. A new Vault Periscope will allow a Police officer to peer into the vault from outside of the bank building! Let every bank be so equipped with such a Fantastic Invention after this, the year of our Lord, Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-Eight.

Henceforth, no person's money, when secured inside of a bank vault, shall be absconded with, for the Vault Periscope will reveal the goings-on of the vault's interior to all passing police-men. Bandits, highwaymen, and ne'er-do-wells, you are undone! Huzzah!

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Chicago Engineering Works - Electrical train-ning to-day!

Dear readers, are you tired of your dead-end job in the Horse Trade, or in a Thakery Mill? Well, now that Electricity is invented, you can get in on the new and prosperous industry of Electricity! But first, you need Training. You won't know your shielded wire housing from a two amp fuse without help from L.L. Cooke, Chief Engineer at the Chicago Engineering Works, purveyors of the latest inventotronic wizardry! Observe this Advertisement sheet, ripped from the living pages of the August Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-Eight issue Popular Science Monthly this very morning. Begin your training to-day!

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The New Science. - Like the old science, but newer!

New funnel-sifter efficiently prepares material to be stored in enormous trousers.

New anti-tree tank is vehemently anti-tree, hastens to point out that it is enthusiastically pro-everything-but-trees.

New aids for living, from Science.

New Apparatus captures awkward grunts of unwilling lower-back massage patients

for later enjoyment.

Dog carrier for outside of car, pending legal approval from Horrified Dog Lover organizations.

New door with bulbed projection partially obscures pubis. Could be improved
upon by completely obscuring pubis.

Earle E. Liederman - Get off the Earth!

For unassailable logic and rock-solid assumptions, you really can't beat the advertisements of muscle guys, like Earle E. Liederman, a newcomer to the pages of Phil Are GO! If there's one thing that history has shown us, it's that small guys have never made great changes in the world, and only muscle dudes have ever not gotten off the Earth.

Do you suppose his name might be a pseudnym, to sounds more leader-y? Google doesn't seem to think so. And how bout that? You c an still buy his book on Amazon! Anyway, time to read some long-winded ad copy!