Trade School Sonnets - Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly

O! Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly
Do you know no rub?
Does your spool suffer no chafe at the walls of your sleeve?

O! Would that I were as smooth. As unsmirched.
By the privations and hurts bestowed by love.
I have no air bearing. I have no dynamic o-ring seals.
My heart is worn by pipe scale and other air line contaminants.
It does not float on a cushion of pressurized oil-misted air.

But you, O Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly,
You will never know these hurts, this love.
And so, Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly,
I pity you and your two micron surface finish on outside diameter of spool,
And inside diameter...
of sleeve,
Which make it difficult for air line contaminants
to adhere.

Thus do I shed a tear for you,
Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly.
Woe is Lapped Spool and Floating Sleeve Assembly.

Halloween Day - Gronk make poem.

Fancy Mans in Grave Yard.

One day, fancy mans say "Let's have rest in grave yard,
because we like wear stockings and foofy clothe."
Be fancy all day make tired,
and dead mans probably won't arose.

Use dead mans stone for chair.
Dead mans not like.
Be dead lots of years make hungry,
and dead mans not like you there.

"Graaah!" Dead mans got up!
Nobody could have guess!
"Ack! Dead mans! Squee!" say fancy mans.
Dead mans make yummy mess.

Dragon Shed.

Old-time village have problem
of where store extra mans.
Then weird mayor have giant idea.
"Make shed. Make look like dragon."
"Can put extra mans in dragon shed."

Village try shed idea.
Spent half village budget make dragon shed.
Make costume for dress like demon,
push mans into shed
with hay fork.

Turn out, people not like dragon shed,
and getting poked.
Village ask weird mayor to go.
Chase old weird mayor out of village.

Village elect farmer for new mayor.
Old weird mayor say "village not ready for proactive ideas."
Old weird mayor starve in woods.
Got eat by family of raccoons.

Trade School Sonnets - I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator

I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator

by Jane Austen

How dare I rise to meet another day
without him?
How can I bear to bore and tap a 1/4 20 hole
knowing he does not know?
Can I chamfer an edge to 1/32 radius
before I know if I am dear to him?

O! The cutting oil flows milky white
and gathers in the ewer.
Like milk of kindness
laced with jagged shavings.
Do not drink the kindness in the ewer!

How dare I bear the pressure in my chest?
The pressure of longing
for his longing.
How can I relieve the underside of the mounting plate
to save weight?
I cannot relieve my waiting.

O! The pressure!
O! My love.
Save me, RD4152G Pressure Regulator.
You are rated at a primary pressure of 20.7 bar.
Your price includes gage, fittings, mounting studs and gasket.

National Poetry Day - Gronk make poem. Field Drinky Man.

Tiny hoomans tell Gronk today "National Poetry Day" in somplace "Ink-a-land". Gronk make poem. You read Gronk poem. Have poetry.

Field drinky man.

Two mans and boy in field

where grow piles of hair.

Hat man seem boss of hair pile field.

Boy man think he boss of hair pile field

even though boy man have sissy hair cut.

Boy man fight hat man for be boss of hair pile field.

Drinky man think tired of working

in hair pile field.

Drink drink drink.

Drinky man think "why want be boss of hair pile field?"

Also think "what if hair pile field is just big head?"

Hat man argue boy man.

Boy man argue hat man.

Drinky man fall down

to sleep.

In hair pile field

that smell like balsam and jojoba

and have all-day shine.

Hey nonny hey.

Gronk poem done.

Trade School Sonnets - My Love is like a Multi-Bushing Roller Chain Sprocket

My Love is like a Roller Chain Sprocket

My love asked me "Do you love me, my love?"

I looked through the window at the sunlight

playing upon a Roller Chain Sprocket

on the bench

'neath the spreading boughs of June.

"My love", I said, "is like unto a Roller Chain Sprocket."

"For its teeth are chamfered to prevent wear."

"For it is steadfast, yet freely rotating."

"For it is available with from one to three bushings."

"But," I said, "My heart has but one bushing for you."

"And it is fixed with a pin to the drive axle,"

"which can stick if it hasn't been serviced in a while."

My love sipped his tea with flustered hands.

end

1949 Mercury - Thrrrrifty, lad!

This 1949 ad from Mercury is thrilled to tell us about the fuel economy of their first postwar model. It's "thrifty" as a... who is that on the left? Hey, it's a racial stereotype helping Mercury to sell cars!

Okay, the '49 Mercury weighed about 3700 pounds, and managed to squeeze a little over 100 horsepower from its V8 engine. That's pretty unimpressive to our future-ears. That's about as much power as a Honda Civic. An average SUV weighs about a thousand pounds more than this Mercury, has at least twice the power, and has a mileage rating somewhere in the low teens. So, current cars embarrass the old cars in terms of power, weigh a lot more, and don't really get much better mileage. You'd think we'd have made more progress in fuel economy, but electronics are really heavy. So is safety equipment, like airbags. Almost any modern car is probably way better in a crash than this pretty old Merc'.

Where were we? Oh yeah. Thrifty. What's with the beardy guy with the scarf? That's a Scotsman. You may not have heard this before, but Scottish people are supposed to be cheap. Like any stereotype, it can't be universally true. It was actually hard to find any evidence of exactly how it got started. If I had to guess, it probably began during a particularly bad time in Scottish history when things were tough and Scotland suffered economic troubles.

However, we found lots of examples of the stereotype. Investopedia surprisingly embraces the stereotype saying that "The Scottish have long been famed for their frugality and practicality." That's a positive spin on a negative stereotype. Investopedia also offers no citations for the stereotype.

Studebaker actually had a line of cars called the Scotsman, so named for their affordability and practicality.

Monty Python wrote a sketch about a Scottish poet called Ewan Mcteagle, author of such poems as  the brilliantly allegorical "What's 20 Quid to the Bloody Midland Bank?" It's interesting to note that as the sketch starts, as soon as the Narrator (John Cleese) introduces McTeagle (Terry Jones) as the author of "Lend us a Quid", it gets an immediate laugh from the audience. They seem familiar with the stereotype. This gives us no answers, but a Python sketch is always good enough to go out on.

Click for big.

Trade School Sonnets - Model 60 8" Jointer

I will make for my love a box
and fill it with my love.
Will he know? The box shall be empty.
I will fill it, using the Model 60 8 inch jointer.

No! It will not be empty!
It will have the flattest sides
and straightest edges
for, the infeed and outfeed tables
are mounted on dovetailed ways.

It will be full of perfect angles
or unmatched uniformity
for the fence is full-length
and self-aligning.

The faces shall have no flaw
to make him doubt me
for the motor is driven by non-slip V-belts.

O! He shall know that the box is not empty
but full! Full of my love!
If he looks, he will see.
If he feels, he will feel.
O yes! I will make for my love a box
with the Model 60 8" jointer.

Also available with 3-phase motor.

Trade School Sonnets - 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit

O, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit, how do I admire your will and authority! How do I seek to emulate your imposing love of regularity!

For, in the throes of this life's wild tumult, do not all souls seek to lessen the blows to the heart, and thereby make each sunrise a new comfort to behold? Yes, I do often share your wish, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit.

But soft, no. Yours is a fool's folly, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit. He who strives to make each day the same, and labors only for uniformity of gaseous provision of well-oiled air, toils in vain.

I know you, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit, and you know that we lie to all mankind when we lie to ourselves. Look in your primary bell housing. You know it to be true. And I would not have it otherwise, for what worth is a life without the storm to cherish the daisy? What value is the day without night to make the morning seem the brighter?

I thank you for the vigor of your efforts, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit. Yet, let me advise you thus: guard not your heart from irregularity and un-forseen portents. Your heart is a valve seal, and it is a wear item, available from a local distributor. We can replace it.

You guard yourself overmuch, 85-000316 Filter-Regulator-Lubricator Unit, and I will open your pressure regulator to the full, for only in this way can we savor all that each day brings us. And so must we all fully open our valves, so.

Trade School Sonnets - Cross-Slide Milling Head

 

Twas March, when first I spied

the lark, in wing-ed reverie.

Seem’d to me the first I bring

my soul to love that’s fled.

In remembrance of winter’s bite

do I shut the door so heavily

despite the bloom of spring.

O Cross-Slide Milling Head!

Thine is cutting might

of perfect interior radii.

With burr-less edges bright,

their contours e’er made me sigh.

I feel my melancholy

subjugated grindigly

with rotational multiplicity

and milling speed so blindingly.

If summer comes to find me lost

fear not, I have but dwelt

within the shed, a-milling

and in the milling shed.

My heart will hence recount the cost

of sadness strongly felt

less sadly and more thrilling

with Cross-Slide Milling Head.

Trade School Sonnets - HOD60 Precision Machine vise

HOD60 Precision Machine Vise, I know your heart
and my sight is clear.

Though your grip is legend
your heart is like unto breaking.
For, though your love is that
which moves you to hold
with fierce might,
there needs be tenderness,
or you may lose she who you most cherish.
Though your jaws are flame-hardened,
did that flame warm your soul
so you may treasure without hurt,
embrace without anguish?
Dear HOD60 Precision Machine Vise,
my heart knows your heart,
which is shaken by fear
of losing.
Fear not, handsome vise!
In the gentleness of a tender embrace
do you fix her heart to yours.
And that is the mystery of might.
So, turn your handle,
which is indexed for parts.0001 inch or less.
Turn your handle and loose
your clamping surface.
For in that tender snare
can she ne'er flee.
She will be yours.

You are available with a swivel base. Add $45.

Trade School Sonnets, by Jane Austen - JSPA4 Solenoid-Pilot Actuated Valve

O, to be in love as a woman.
O, to have a love, as a human.
Am I as a foolish child,
with words that have meaning
lost on my new ears?
Words are wind.
Let me treasure the very air I breathe.
Let me measure and waste not a drop,
not a drop of this air,
so that I may have it.
For I must have it to tell you
of my love.

Let me be like the JSPA4 Solenoid-Pilot Actuated Valve.
Let my media be properly filtered,
for my words must be gentle.
Let my temperature range be monitored,
for high temperature coils are not available.
Let me be rated for continuous duty
at dual Hz operation,
for my heart sings with the vigor
of my love.
Let my inrush current be of twenty-four volts
DC,
so that you feel my passion
in your control unit.
Do you ask me of my flow capacity?
My love, you are my heart,
and my sun.
Ask not my flow capacity,
for it is boundless as the sea.
Until we are again together,
I have only words.
Words are wind.
Let me cherish the wind
like the JSPA4 Solenoid-Pilot Actuated Valve.
Also, it has a side-ported base.

Trade School Sonnets - Step Jawed Tool Post.

My love bade me tell him, of a summer's morn,
"Art thou constant like the moon, my dear?"
Though sad I was to decry the fairness of The Orb,
How luminous was my joy to proclaim the greater Truth!
My constance is like unto the Step-Jawed Tool Post!

Though my world be spun and thither, I am ever on center.
For you are my center, my fulcrum, my point of zero rotation.
My love for you is resolute and firm and can abide great change, from one-half an inch to nine!

For the jaws of my love for you are stepped, like those of the Step-Jawed Tool Post.
And they will hold, these stepped-jaws of love, through internal or external flexion of their precision clamping mechanism, though they never mar your surface or smirch your edges.

My constancy is like unto the Step-Jawed Tool Post for I hold you in security, my dear,
nomatter your various diameters or composition.
Never doubt my constancy, dear heart, as you would never doubt the Step-Jawed Tool Post.

Gronk Make Poem

Now Gronk make poem! Hoo-mans shut up and hear poem! Shut up for art! Two poems today!

POEM NUMBER ONE!

Soft and squishy sissy man
get scare from rabbit.
Make him climb tree.
Also jump over fence too,
to get to tree.
So sissy. So jumping.
Small rabbit.

Then see bird in sky.
Orange bird.
Where bird need to fly to?
Bird fly to tell friends sissy man in tree. Fly, bird. Go tell!
Bring bird friends to peck man face.

Man say to self: "Oh streuth I am so very high
from ground, up in a tree.
Nary can I tell or guess
how jumped I, in my distress
a height four feet and three.
And nary may I leap me down
for fear I scuff my bum.
So do I sit,
all scared of it,
this mundane conondrum.

Sissy man sit in tree for two days.
Bird come back with many birds.
Birds come to help? Maybe help?
No.
Birds peck man face.
So bleedy.
Man die. Fall from tree.
Stupid hoo-mans.

POEM OVER!

POEM NUMBER TWO!

Horbut Hambridge make his home in Friffton-Upon-Trent.
He make candy,
give to kids.
From kids to him,
love went.

When he go to see a phisyc
to mend a rheumy eye
a bandage wore he for a month.
To let eye heal, is why!

No candy made he for that month.
And children became angry.
Though he promised to resume when wrappings came off, dangly.

Children cannot wait for things.
They want, and want so hard.
They led him blindly to a well
in Bishop Brimley's yard.
Tipped they him, into that hole
and wailing, did he plummet.
A splash and then some silence.
He couldn't believe they done it.

POEM OVER!

Gronk Make Poem! - Hoo-man read poem to hoo-mans.

GRONK MAKE POEM! HOO-MANS MAKE QUIET AND APPRECIATE!




One royal day hoo-man king was heard to say,
"Me hoo-man king. Squishy and weak,
So me like poem, like sissy say!
"Funny pants sissy, bring he here! Read me poem for royal ear!"
"For ruling pathetic hoo-mans make tired and bored!
 Funny pants sissy read poem to king,
about flowers and birds. At least he not sing.
King not like poem. Falling asleep.
So he snap finger. Poem guy weep.
Royal guards draw ten royal swords.
Make stabby red mess on royal floors.