Ichiban Moto Premium Pack! Complete test! That's right!

Ichiban Moto is a Chicago-based FaceTuber who completely makes badass motorcycle maintenance and modification videos, so that you, yes YOU,  at home in your own home can absolutely find out how to take your dead stock motorcycle and modify it into a mind-destroying cafe racer with tools you probably have lying around in the picnic basket from your work's last summer's employee picnic where your HR manager fell on you after tripping over the volleyball net and she apologized to you and you said it was okay but what you really meant was that it was pretty great because you kind of have a thing for her but totally don't ever tell her that because it'd be a terrible idea.

Ichiban didn't give me any money or anything. I just send him Pointy Tree Day cards and stuff. In return, he sent me a Premium Pack with like ten out of five Ichiban Moto stickers and even some motorcycle parts. Observe!

No, the stickers aren't in the photo. I put them all on everything, so they're used up. Anyway, the Premium pack consisted of three 11% discount coupons, two badass certification certificates (imagine flashing those at your next cars & coffee meetup!), a micro collider ring, and rectifier shims.

I don't have a motorcycle. Turns out, motorcycles have rectifiers. They convert A/C to D/C. Good times. In order to test the shims and collider ring, I had to construct a test apparatus. So, I connected the Micro Collider Ring to a ceramic ultrainsulator. Then, I attached that to a dry elecytrolytic capacitor with the Rectifier Shims wired in series, using voltage-grade assembly tape. From my photograph, I think you'll be pleasantly informed that positrino fluctance was nearly undetectable! Check it out!

Ichiban tells me there will be more videos soon, and probably some kind of way that his viewers can get their own premium pack.

If you're like me, you rebuilt a bass guitar last summer, which not only included nearly blinding yourself by splashing lacquer thinner in your eye, but also attempting a metal flake finish. I could have used a few metal flake tips back then! Here's a video where Ichiban creates a completely badass cafe racer helmet, complete with metal flake finish! I really need to source myself a set of those clippers, by the way.

Indian Motorcycles - Sporting blood.

No, it's not "spurting blood". It says "SPORTing blood". The Fellowship of Men with Spurting Blood (FMSB) still has trouble with new enrollment. Maybe they should change the name? Nope, this ad is just about motorcycles.

Since this is 1931, the copy gets a little fervent describing the product. The "fraternity of 'men with sporting blood'". "The thrill of throbbing power". At least hey did have the good taste to leave off the "between your thighs" part, which would have been a  perfectly reasonable description, I suppose.

Hey, is that ken doll shooting mind beams out of his head? Maybe Indian isn't talking about the throbbing power of the bike after all? This guy has throbbing brain energy, and any who stand in his way will soon be members of the Fellowship of Men with Spurting Blood.

Three motorbike ads - Harley, Honda... Cushman?

In the September 1961 issue of Popular Science, there appeared three motorbike ads, mere pages away from each other, but miles away in their customer base. But this being 1961, everyone in the ads looked like the Cleavers.

First up, a Harley-Davidson funtacular fun-o-rama sales event, where everyone is as square as the day is long. Better still, all the fellas brought their gals along because the ladies are totally into Harleys, too, just like real life! Nice try, The Marketing Division of the Harley-Davidson Corporation.

Little known fact: Harley-Davidson dealers would
let you test drive these indoors.

I'm amazed that the Ranger model - their "trail bike" - has no rear suspension at all. From an engineering standpoint, this makes my eyes hurt to look at. To be called a proper motorbike, anything must at least have a suspension. I have spoken!

While it is possible that the average Harley buyer in 1961 did look like Pat Boone, I have a feeling this was wishful thinking on the part of the advertiser. And even if this ad's squeaky clean depiction was accurate, soon The Seventies would happen. And, well, the less said about that, the better.

The Honda 50, or "Cub" is, in James May's opinion, "the greatest machine ever". In terms of number of units built, durability, and simple utility throughout the world, he has a point.

When Top gear shot their Vietnam Special, James chose a Honda Cub to drive the length of the country. The world is never brighter and the sun so warm as when Jeremy Clarkson (a lifelong motorcycle hater) is completely sad and wishing for the sweet release of death. Few things in life have made me laugh as hard as that episode. So much misery. So much funny. Find it on Netflix as series 12, episode 8.

Yeah! A Cushman Silver Eagle! The new one! What's a Cushman? Well, they're mostly four-wheeled golf cart looking things used by groundskeepers all over the world. I don't know what this Silver Eagle thing is for. Maybe Cushman was hoping you'd figure that out for them? That Ken doll seems to be enjoying his.

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1967 Yamaha Big Bear 305 - Start something new.

The Japanese were the guys who made motorcycles for "everybody else" who didn't have aspirations of being a dirtbag hoodlum. Well done, there. This Yamaha Big bear 305 wants you to park your dragster and get get ready for some real fun!


The carefree couple in this ad were out for a morning ride in their top fuel front-engine dragster* and saw a lonely little Yamaha Big bear sitting, unridden, by the side of the road.

"Hey, Winston," Trudy said, from her place in Winston's lap. "Look at that lonely little Yamaha big bear sitting, unridden by the side of the road!" Pull over and let's go claim it for ourselves! "Allrighty!" said Winston, now glad that he was wearing a Bobby Brady T-shirt and white jeans instead of something crazy like a fire suit. He'd look an awful goof riding the Yamaha with his girlfriend in sweaty Nomex.

They pulled over, re-packed the drag chute and engaged the parking brake (Safety first!). Then they trotted down the verge and their eyes drank in the sparkling chrome of the Big bear. "Wowee! Thirty and a half horsepower!" Winston said. "Are you sure you're up for this?" "What's the matter?" Trudy leered. "Afraid of a little speed?" "Winston puffed out his chest. "I'm not a-scared of no dumb old speed! Let's fire her up!"

And with that, Trudy and Winston met their Yamaha Big bear 305, their REAL speed demon, and they rode off into the morning of their dreams.

*Can you spot a design problem with these old-style dragsters, with the engine in front of the driver? They were sometimes called "slingshots". Do you see a potential problem with placing the 3000 hp motor, with its many flailing parts and explosion-prone clutch five feet in front of the driver's soft, fluid-filled head at speeds of roughly three hundred miles per hour? Correct! The big motor was hard to see around, making it hard for the driver to judge braking distance in heavy traffic, leading to many unnecessary rear-end fender benders on morning commutes. Well spotted.

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