Nabisco Sweepstakes 1971 - Crazy rich.

If you live in 1971, you can still get in on this great sweepstakes from Nabisco. You could get rich. How rich? Crazy rich.

This artist's rendering is just a serving suggestion for how rich $20,000 would make you. You could be so rich that, for starters, your lawn would be several hundred yards across. Granted, the people in the picture might just live in the park, in which case the couple are homeless. Twenty grand would allow  them to move up to a really nice several-bedroom house in '71, but probably not a dee-lux apartment in the sky-y--y.

The man's Pat Boones are still a shining snowy white. No grass stains anywhere. It's as if he didn't even walk to the hammock. He must have been airlifted over from the patio. I guess he is allowing himself to enjoy a few creature comforts. Work doesn't seem to be a big issue for the husband. He's let his lawn turn a nice pale yellow color. That way, his money is easier to spot when it spills out of his storage hammock. Gotta keep track of it.  Look at wife, foolishly flinging it about the sward. She should follow her husband's example and wield the money in nice neat fans. That's how people can tell you come from "old money". You wave it around with dignity, not like some kind of spastic dork.

Dignity, people. This is how it's done. When you've made your fortune the old-fashioned way, you comport yourself in a way that tells people you're not going to blow the whole wad on die-cut crackers and aerosol cheese spray. With twenty grand, you could throw one hell of a snack-nic, but you don't. That would be ghetto. What you do is take it out into the back yard, pile it up and sit on it, just like the Rockefellers did. That way, you know it'll still be there when your daughter needs it for college... or bariatric surgery.

The wife doesn't seem quite as bowel-looseningly happy as her husband. She should share in the irrational joy of berserk, irresponsible wealth. Let's give her a hand.

Much better. Now they're on the same page. Looking good, honey. Now, would it kill you to bring out some more iced tea?