Vaseline Hair Tonic - Dandruff shaming.

Hey, well-groomed citizens! If there's one thing worse for the consumer than waxy yellow buildup, it's a dry, flaky scalp! Do YOU know the state of YOUR scalp? Vaseline does, and the state of your scalp is not having enough Vaseilne gooped onto it! They don't even need to check.

This ad comes to us from the 1948 issue of the American Legion Magazine. Back then, advertisers weren't shy about scaring readers that they would lead a life of barren virginity unless they had a nice, shiny helmet of Devo hair that basically looked like a plastic hat. See for yourself!

Of course, Devo was using the plastic hair as a satire of 1950s conformity, brought to you by, among others, the good folks at Vaseline!

In all fairness, dandruff is still a turn off for anyone not living under a bridge. You know who I mean. That one guy who looks like Aqualung? What's his name? Chuck Bridge? I dunno. I know him when I see him. He always knocks over my trash cans, looking for nearly-empty bottles from Vaseline hair tonic. Beat it, Chuck! This is a Vitalis house, and don't you forget it! Scram!






Anyway, the guy in this ad is pretty boring, and not just because of the dandruff. The girl, however, could be used for a bunch of stuff. Let's have a bored intern pop her out of the background and drop her on a nice, transparent field of alpha channel. Randomly Chosen Intern, warm up your pen tool. You're going in! Readers, get your rude finger ready to right-click this lady onto your hard drive in three, two, one... Phil Are GO Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade, Deploy!!!!

Click it to big it, baby.

There she is. Lookin' good, toots. Tell you what, though. She'd also be useful with her thought balloon in place. Get on that shit, PAGGBPSB!

This thing ain't gonna click itself bigger, man.

Right on. Either version of her could be used to politely nag people about most anything, with some light Photoshopping, or just print her out and write her thoughts in with a pen. Here's a serving suggestion:

See? It's just that easy. You could have hours of fun nagging people with Vaseline Vicky... and possibly the prostate, if that's what you're into. If you are, I don't wanna hear about it.

You're welcome!