Up Your Decor - Fling that spring!

Hey there, my little decorators! Guess what time of year spring is! Well, shut up and I'll tell you! It's NOW TIME! WOOOOOoooOOooOoooOOOOOOO! How's your house look? Don't answer that! I'll tell you! It looks stupid, because you haven't redecorated its brains out for several weeks! It's time to correct that by doing some spring flinging! Shut up and start that fling!!!!!!

Do you have a room with several chairs? Do they match? Well, throw them in the trash, you idiot! Every
object in a room should look like it fell off the back of a truck driving through your house! Start with a
bamboo chair thingy, and then add a kind of roman wood chair, and then add in a chrome and glass
Logan's Run table, and a green velvet sofa, flanked by a classically-trained grandma lamp and a futuristic
light tube kind of lamp! Think you're done! Shut up! You need a flamenco-rococo swirlicue mirror to put
a bow on that sundae! Wups! Don't forget the three-inch shag rug guaranteed to jam any vacuum!
Also, some kind of floral pattern window thingies, just to keep things from getting boring! 

Do you long to bring the dog-dump-and-ragweed enchantment of your back yard into your kitchen?
You're damn right you do! That's why you need to build a kitchen gazebo!!!! This breakfast nook has a
table and flower pendant lamp and even a luxurious nine-inch TV! Say wow! Just in case your family
doesn't get the idea, paint flowers on all your cabinets and your kitchen has been transformed into a fairy
tale fantasy that you're guaranteed never to regret! Where's the dishwasher and stove? Why, in the back
yard, of course! Duh!

Do you have a room that's just a little too small to be a family room! Well, here's the solution! Make it
a family room! Nothing creates the illusion of space than cramming in the furniture from a larger room,
right? RIGHT! Start by painting the walls a nice, deep brown-red. And, going by the Theory of Color,
match that with some nice green carpet! What makes a house feel nice and cozy? That's right! Coming
home and immediately bashing the door into your nice colonial couch, lavishly upholstered in a rich
pattern that we call "Noise to Other Noise Ratio"! Now you'd swear you were living in the romantic
cowboy days, before we understood germ theory or civil rights! Yay!